Is a Sexual Experience Worth… YOUR LIFE?
Saturday, sales were “fair”, although I can’t take credit because an employee was running Feminique while I was in school. School- now that’s a fun way to spend a beautiful summer Saturday afternoon!
Sunday Feminique is closed and from the comfort of my fabulous king size pillow-top bed, I checked my email (such a workaholic) before heading out to the 29th Annual Turks Head Music Festival in West Chester. I received the most beautiful email out of the blue from a male client I haven’t seen in awhile thanking me for my advice, “kind-heartedness”, and for helping him develop the openness to grow as a sexual person over the past few years. One of those “in case I never told you, I want you to know how I feel” type letter. Such letters always leave me at a loss. There are not enough “your welcomes” in the world because I’m equally as grateful to have the opportunity to have that kind of impact on peoples’ lives. I truly think being a sexologist is the most rewarding job possible. He’s a fine young man and I wish all wonderful things.
Then I packed up a blanket and walked with Tyler, Shannon, and her boyfriend to the festival. It included all the things on the checklist of your typical outdoor summer music festival:
Hemp braceletes on a Grateful Dead throw? Check!
Crystal jewlery? Check!
Homemade items from a self-described ”Woodstock Wannabe”? Check!
Vegan friendly food? Check!
Barefoot people hulla hooping? Check!
Folks in sandals and Phish shirts? Check!
Art made from earth materials? Check!
A bowl of fetuses at the Pro-Life Coalition table? Check!
Wait, WHAT?!
Only in West Chester.
Grateful Dead, vegan friendly food, hemp bracelets, crystal jewlery, and … a pro-life group with a bowl of fetuses. Makes me think of that Sesame Street song “one of these things is not like the other things, one of these things just doesn’t belong.”
So I go up and take a gander at some of their brochures. The first one, called “Is Sex Safe?” with a picture of a broken heart asks “Is a sexual experience worth YOUR LIFE?” with a list of STD facts and concludes that you should “avoid the risks… save sex for marriage”, because you know, your spouse can’t pass you an STD. psssh.
Then I picked up the brochure called “Rape”. It claimed “few pregnancies result from forcible rape”. Not true. And what about “non-forcible” rape? Grr.
But the third one really got my goat because it was about the problems not with abortion, but with birth control. Does this make any sense to anyone?
This may come as a shock to you, but once upon a time, I, feminist sexologist extraordinaire, was anti-choice. I know- crazy. I changed my mind on that topic in my early teens and the more and more education I received, the farther and farther I moved from that thinking because I realized it is a far more complex issue than “life”. But nevertheless, while I now disagree, I can understand the anti-choice perspective. Unlike, say, opponents of same-sex marriage equality which is baseless and 100% rooted in bigotry, I do recognize why someone would be anti-choice. That being said, if someone is going to have that opinion, the opinion that abortions are wrong and shouldn’t happen, what the fuck sense does it make to try to convince people to NOT use birth control. This just leads to more… you guessed it… ABORTIONS, counter your goal. Morons.
So in addition to a lack of logic, I took issue with this particular brochure because of the bullshit in it. Again, if you are of a certain opinion and want people to join you in that opinion, that’s your prerogative, but if your opinion is so grand, why do you need to LIE to convince people? If you opinion was so great, would people not be interested on its merit without having to LIE?
Lies in the brochure:
· “The Pill will work as an aborifacient and will prevent the newly formed embryo from implanting on the uterine wall”
· “If the egg has already been released, the lining of your uterus will become irritated, and this irritation will interfere with the ability of the fertilized egg to implant in your uterus. Your body will reject the baby, and he/she will die.”
· “The Morning After Pill can cause early abortion”.
So of course I have to open my mouth.
Me: There is information in this pamphlet that is not medically accurate
70 Year Old Man Who Will Never Be Pregnant: Where?
Me: Right here. This is untrue. Oral contraceptives are not aborifacients. They prevent pregnancy, which does not start until implantation in the uterus.
70 Year Old Man Who Will Never Be Pregnant: Well when do you think life begins?
Me: I’m not talking about when ‘life’ begins. I’m talking about when ‘pregnancy’ begins, which is not until implantation in the uterus.
70 Year Old Man Who Will Never Be Pregnant: Says who?
Me: Scientists.
70 Year Old Man Who Will Never Be Pregnant: That’s their opinion.
Me: NO! It’s science. That’s why they call it SCIENCE!
Tyler and I were going to steal the whole stack of those particular pamphlets. Then we were going to steal their fetuses. But we decided against it because that would be… wrong. Fun, but wrong.
On the way home we stopped to look at houses for sale. And over dinner had a long conversation. He hates our apartment. I say if I’m going to go through all the hassle and inconvenience of looking for a new place, packing and moving, having a farther commute (because where I live now doesn’t get any closer to work), and paying more money (because I currently have the world’s cheapest rent)- if I’m going to go through all that, I’m not going to do it for a less dumpy apartment, I’m going to buy a house.
Tyler agreed and is now obsessed with buying a house. He’s always on his phone looking online at different properties. He’s eager. I’m… not as eager. Sure it’s exciting, but Tyler and I have different perspectives on what buying a house with someone means. As such, a several hour conversation ensured about what it means to be married vs. what it means to be together forever, and if such things actually exist. Lots of philosophical chats about the future of our relationship.
Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt
