And This Man Hasn’t Proposed to You?
Thursday was uneventful and sales were “bad”. Friday was more interesting, and sales were “If sales were like this everyday, I would make an annual salary that is actually fair for someone with my drive, ambition, and level of education”. Sales are usually as such on days I have parties because I charge a fairer wage for my time than I do for sales products during the day at Feminique.
I didn’t have a party planned originally, but when two out of town women (fromColoradoI believe) stumbled in looking for gifts for a bachelorette party they were headed to two hours later, I gave them my brochure which lists my party topics.
Colorado Woman: We have to do this!
Me: Yeah, it’s a great time.
Colorado Woman: How soon can you come?
Me: Well, I’m finished for the day here in an hour and a half. Then it would take me about 10 minutes to drive over.
Colorado Woman: Excellent, here’s the address. We’ll see you then.
I never booked a party with quite so little prep time. I left right on time, and ran across the street to buy a pack of carrots at my friendly neighborhood market, FarmHouse Markets, where they sell locally grown produce and humanely raised meats and dairy products, and I was DEVESATED to learn that they are going out of business.
And I was mad. The cashier at FarmHouse Markets knew my name. He always carried my bags out for me and held the door open for me as I left. I never got such treatment at Giant, or Acme, or any other grocery chain.
FarmHouse Market… just a few steps from Feminique
And this, and for many reasons, is why I am a huge advocate of shopping local and supporting your community small businesses. I would shop at Giant for my processed food crap, and even though it was more convenient because I was already there, I made a second trip to FarmHouse Markets for my meat, milk, butter, etc because I wanted to give them my business. When I want pizza, I go to New Haven, not Pizza Hut. For Sunday morning breakfast I go to the Market Street Grill, not IHOP. When I was having a luau themed party, I went to Green Eyed Lady looking for a flower for my hair, not Claire’s at the mall. When I went there a second time months later, they asked how the party was. They remembered. They gave a shit.
Shopping at chains is often cheaper, usually more convenient. But shopping local is so important. They work so much harder for so much less money. They are owned by people in your community, employ people in your town, and support your town through charities and other ways (such as the case of FarmHouse Markets, buying merchandise from community farms and growers).
So what does all this have to do with a day in the life of a sexologist? Well for one, now I have to buy my blowjob carrots elsewhere. And secondly, it concerns me as an entrepreneurial sexologist. I remember once a gentleman came in looking for a lubricant. I spent not too too long, maybe 3-5 minutes, explaining the different varieties. I explained the pros and cons of different types (silicone-based, water-based, warming), I gave suggestions and recommendation for use (this one is great for shower sex, this one is not vibrator friendly), I gave honest opinions (I love this one, this one’s not great for people with sensitive skin), I let him try each kind on his finger with the tester bottles. After I finished helping him choose a product, he picked up the one he wanted and said “$12?? I can get lube for $11 down the street at Rite Aid”.
I almost LOST it.
Yes, things are cheaper at big box chains. At the sex toy trade show, I learned something awful that my naïve business mind never even thought of. Some big evil unethical chains that shall remain nameless have been able to work deals with vibrator manufacturers to sell them below market value.
So for example, if the manufacturer of Vibrator X sells it to me for $10 so I retail it for $15, they sell Vibrator X to them for $8 so they can retail it at $9. I can’t sell it for $9 since I’m buying it for $10 and would be losing money. When people bargain shop on line they will buy it from them and not me to save the $6. They make a smaller profit margin per sale ($1 to my $5) but because it’s so much cheaper, they receive way more sales, and thus, are rich and able to negotiate these deals with more manufacturers, and deeper and deeper it goes. How can the Feminiques of the world compete?
Some would say, well, that’s capitalism. And that it is. But I, and other small business owners, are hoping that enough people think it’s worth the extra couple bucks, $6 in my example, to be able to see tester models before purchasing, being able to consult with a professional, and to support a local family or person. Not to mention customer service is usually 100 times better with small businesses because you’re either working with the owner, who actually cares about you, or someone making an actual living wage, who is paid to care.
When I was in Portland, Maine, I was expressing my frustration with the owner of one of the independent feminist sex shops they have there. She gave me good advice. She said, “People who don’t see the value in supporting a business owned by a woman trying to put herself through graduate school, who donates 3% of the business profits back to rape charities, because they want to save $1 on lubricant, are not in your market. Don’t even count those people as a loss because they weren’t yours to begin with. But they could be, when they keep getting yeast infections and they can’t figure out why because the person making $8 an hour at the drug store didn’t explain to them which would be best for their body.”
I’m getting a bit tangential, I just really feel terrible for FarmHouse Markets. I’ll miss having them as a business neighbor. I will continue weaning myself off national chains (I’m not saying it’s easy- it’s a work in progress), support other hard-working small business owners, and hope you will too.
Anywhoooo… so I bought out their last package of carrots and drove to the party for Fellatio 101. Since it was so last minute, many of the guests had not received the memo that the new plan for the evening was blowjob instruction so they were very excited and surprised when I got started.
Like the women during the moonshine/military base party, this group was just too sweet! And again from all around the country. I hope maybe they’ll book me for a party with their friends back home so I can start crossing off states from my newest bucket list- teaching about sex in all 50 states! After I taught the group of 10 everything I know about sucking carrots, I mentionedTyler in passing.
Colorado Woman: There’s a boyfriend?
Me: There is. Three years.
Colorado Woman: And this man hasn’t proposed to you?
Everyone laughed. It’s a common occurrence. I’m blonde. I’m boobtastic. I love sex. I teach blowjobs for a living. Plus, as a bonus, I’m actually, you know, smart and educated and all of those things so people I meet as a sexologist often wonder aloud why no one has bought my cow yet.
I’m always so flattered when people ask me with such perplexity how it’s possible I haven’t been scooped up yet.Tyleris less impressed. Later than night over a 4 liter jug of wine:
Me: I got asked again today.
Tyler: What, the “your husband must looooove you” remark?
Me: Yeah. I don’t know why you find it so offensive.
Tyler: Because I do loooove you, but not because you’re a sexologist.
Me: Well I think I understand the rational behind it. I think women feel hounded by their partners for sex all the time, and if I come across as being down for it, they think my partner must be very appreciative because he doesn’t have to hound.
Tyler: I don’t know where you get this idea that women get hounded for sex… I’ve never had a problem with anyone I’ve dated not wanting sex or withholding sex.
Me: Well aren’t you just a Casanova.
We’ve been discussing the idea of a proposal. We’ve been discussing the idea of buying a house. But that’s a conversation for another post because this one is far too long already.
But that night we did not discuss it. Instead, while a bit tipsy on the jug wine, I discussed the depths of my rape related issues. Things I have never told anyone, which is really under some deep dark caverns of my brain because as you’ve read, I tell everyone about everything. We both agreed I need to stop saying it and actually do it- first thing Monday morning, I must make a therapy appointment. So that was my Friday night. What a life I lead.
Blah. This post was far to long and rambling. Does anyone read this craziness?
Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt
www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique
