Giving a Vibrator Presentation on a Military Base While Drinking Moonshine
Wednesday was a fine day (falling a little behind on my “daily” posts already). On my sales scale as follows:
- Abysmal
- Terrible
- Bad
- Fair
- Good
- Great
- Excellent
- If sales were like this everyday, I would make an annual salary that is actually fair for someone with my drive, ambition, and level of education
- If sales were like this everyday, I could retire early
Wednesday was a “I could have a fair salary” day. Which is great! Although sales aren’t like that everyday, and thus I don’t make a fair salary, but I’ll take it.
At Feminique, Wednesday was the day of hot older women owning their shit. I loved it. First a hot 50 something woman came in telling me of her woes with online dating. I told her I found this surprising because she was so confident and attractive and she should stick with it.
Me: Online dating is great. It’s like shopping for men. You can browse, try it on, without ever having to meet him. Weed through and just go on dates with the ones you get to like through chatting.
50+Hottie: I’m trying. I have met some wonderful people, but then once you bring them to bed, you never see them again.
Me: Well, I guess some things don’t change when you age.
50+Hottie: Nope.
Me: Well stick with it. I met mine online. We’ve been dating for 3 years. Guess which site I met him on.
50+Hottie: Where?
Me: Craigslist!
50+Hottie: GET OUT!
Me: True story. You have to be willing to sift through a lot of shit if you try craigslist- lots of weirdos, lots of married men, lots of photos of their dicks
50+Hottie: Yeah, I guess those too.
Me: But you never know, there could be one good one in the pile.
Next a 60 year old woman I would have guessed to be in her late 40s was shopping around for some clit cream, lubricant, and a vibe. She was telling me about lost sensitivity that happens when you get older.
She said, “I used to be totally orgasmic, and then it became harder and harder. I thought, ‘what’s happening to me?’”. Later she said, “I have a 19 year old son and I’m jealous. I wish I was that age. Everything is so pleasurable at that age”. She referenced this phenomenon several more times, and I find it remarkable. I’m so passionate about sexualities that are marginalized, namely older populations, and that they shouldn’t be cast off as asexual. Sometimes it is helpful to step back as well and appreciate that things *can* be different sexually as you age.
Yet another 50+ Hottie came in and we chatted about lots of things, including the Sex Fact Of the Day, which was:
Only 40% of rapes are reported
If reported, only 50% lead to an arrest
Of arrests, 80% are prosecuted
If prosecuted, only 58% are convicted
If convicted, only 69% will go to jail.
DO THE MATH: 94% of rapists walk free
I left around 4pm to do a Sex Toys 101 party, which includes a presentation on the history of the vibrator, where I demonstrate all the antique vibes from my museum, and a presentation on dozens of today’s most modern and technologically advanced sex toys. This part is normal. Well, normal for a sexologist. What was not normal was the location. It was to be held at a military base. First time for everything.
The audience was a group of 11 unbelievably sweet substance abuse prevention specialists from all over the country (Tennessee, Oregon, Wisconsin, Arizona) at the base for a training. We were sipping drinks one of the southern women poured us from a glass jar and chatting about different philosophies within the substance abuse prevention community about marijuana, and the vastly different perspectives on addiction I learned about when I studied in Amsterdam. We also talked a lot about the work they do with sexual violence prevention. Tyler always says I’m a happier person after I teach a party. I think it’s because of these moments. It’s not work, it’s like I’m hanging out with friends I didn’t know I had.
Tennesse Woman: So enough about us, tell us about you. Tell us about your business.
Me: Well, I’m a sexologist, and my business is a feminist and sex-positive sex shop. I teach these parties, like we’ll do tonight, I also do sexuality workshops with colleges, private consultations, and write a blog.
Wisconsin Woman: Oh, what’s the blog about?
I oddly couldn’t think of it.
Me: Oh, you know about the things that happen in my daily life.
Virginia Woman: Like what?
Why could I not think of an anecdote? Too much alcohol already? I usually don’t forewarn people that I’m going to blog about them, but I finally blurted out
Me: Well, tomorrow I’ll probably be writing about giving a vibrator presentation on a military base while drinking moonshine.
Everyone erupted in laughter.
Virginia Woman: Well when you put it that way, it’s pretty damn hilarious and ridiculous sounding.
Me: This is my life.
And this is my life. Of course I would find myself giving a vibrator presentation on a military base while drinking moonshine. Who else would find themselves in such a ludicrous situation?
On a side note… moonshine is… interesting. It was my first experience with it, and it was particularly interesting to drink bootlegged liquor in a room full of substance abuse specialists.
Standing in front of the audience by my table I asked squinting while the alcohol made my eyes water and began melting the plastic retainer in my mouth:
Me: So where does one buy moonshine?
Virginia Woman: All sorts of places. But I’ll tell you where I won’t be buying it anymore- the woman at my church.
Me: The woman at your church makes moonshine?
Virginia Woman: It’s a small town.
Oh I love my life and I can not get enough of meeting such fun and crazy people!
Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt
