Victim Blame and a Word on Ryan Dunn
I’m usually not one for celebrity gossip, but since reality star Ryan Dunn was killed in a car accident less than ¼ mile from Feminique, and I know many of his fans and friends read this blog, I thought I’d offer my sincere condolences.
I’d also like to sound off on the anger I’m feeling about some responses I have heard about his death. Was he drunk? Yes. Was he driving extraordinarily fast? Yes. Did he live a life full of dangerous stunts? Perhaps. Do these factors make me feel any less sympathy about what happened to him? NOT ONE BIT! Cold-hearted comments like “I have no sympathy for him”, “live like a jackass, die like a jackass”, and “Darwin would be proud” are making me angry at my species! This was a human being. Someone’s child. C’mon people!
The cruel victim-blaming that is happening to Mr. Dunn reminds me of the cruel victim-blaming that is done to rape victims. I used to think it was exclusive to rape, but now I see that other types of tragedies involve victim-blaming too. I have thought a lot about it the past few days, and I have a new theory as to why.
- When a tragedy happens to someone else (car wreck, rape, whatever it may be), we panic because we don’t want it to happen to us (and by “we”, I mean “people”)
- We can not emotionally handle the thought that these tragedies could JUST AS EASILY happen to us, so as a defense mechanism, we have to find things about the victim that are inherently DIFFERENT from us, so we can find comfort in believing that a) that difference was the cause of the tragedy, and thus b) that tragedy won’t happen to us. This is the “I don’t drive 130 mph” and “I don’t wear mini skirts and halter tops to clubs”, so “that won’t happen to me” logic. Of course this is false logic because people driving 25 mph and people wearing long pants die in car accidents and are raped every single day.
- Somewhere in the process of mentally creating the victim as “the other”, compassion is lost.
It’s a very sad theory. Sad for Ryan Dunn’s family who has to hear this garbage about their son. Sad for anyone who has ever been a victim of a crime and then got blamed for it. I was laying out this theory to Tyler as we walked down the street on the way home from getting water ice last night and passed the news trucks filming a piece about his funeral. Then I came across this Daily Local News stand on the sidewalk:
Victim blaming on the left. LOTS of victim blaming on the right. I read the article to the right, titled “How Not To Be a Victim of a Crime”, which introduces a 6 week story they will be running, interviewing “experts” on how to avoid the following 6 crimes: identity theft, abduction, carjacking, date rape, home burglary, theft from a motor vehicle and theft of a motor vehicle.
Hey Daily Local- I know you read this blog since you feature it on your website, so I’m asking you to PICK ME as the date rape expert! I would love to do that interview. In fact, I’ll give you a little preview. These are some date rape prevention tips that if people would follow would eradicate rape from not only in Chester County, but the entire world!
- Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks and rape them.
- When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
- If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
- NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
- if you’re making out with someone and you want to have sex with them but they don’t want to have sex with you, don’t rape them.
- USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM. If you are not able to stop yourself from raping someone, ask a friend to stay with you while you’re in public.
- Always be honest with people. Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to rape. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
- Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they’re awake!
- Carry a whistle. If you’re worried you might assault someone “accidently”, blow it for help.
- Don’t rape people.
(author unknown)
If I read the newspaper that day and am told by some male cop (who has thus far been the “expert” in the crime prevention series) not to get in cars with men I don’t know or watch my drink at the bar to make sure someone doesn’t roofie it, I’m going to FREAK OUT!
So the moral of the story is bad things happen to good people. People like you. This time it didn’t, but that doesn’t mean you’re better than anybody else. Have a little compassion so that victims of tragedies can rest in peace without judgment.
Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:
