“Your Pencil D*** Got Me Knocked Up!”
I have taken so long to talk about my favorite part of the Tampa sex toy trade show because I have been waiting for photographs.
After dinner on the first night, they had a hypnotist show in which Tyler and I were selected as the stars.
The hypnotist pulled us and a few others on stage to be hypnotized. I was skeptical because in college I attended 4 different hypnotist shows and volunteered to be hypnotized, and all 4 times they told me to sit back down because I wasn’t “under” enough. I figured I couldn’t be hypnotized because I’m so in touch with my mind and body that I wouldn’t be able to be “tricked” into hypnotism. Perhaps the free open bar at the trade show helped because in seconds I was passed out on stage.
(Tyler in red shirt on right passed out on someone’s lap. I’m in the middle in the black tank top passed out on the person sitting next to me)
While there were several of us on stage hypnotized, the hypnotist continued to utilize Tyler and I for the raunchiest skits. She told the man next to me that the only word in his vocabulary is “pepper”, told someone else anytime they hear the word “pepper” they sneeze, then she told me, as I lay passed out on the chair, that whenever I hear someone sneeze I’m going to have the best orgasm of my life. She “woke us up” and then:
Hypnotist: Sir, what’s your name?
Person #1: Pepper
Person #2: Achoo!
Me: (falling out of the chair to my knees and grabbing my crotch) OH MY GOD!
Hypnotist: And where are you from?
Person #1: Pepper
Person #2: Achoo!
Me: HOLY SHIT! OH YEAH!
The audience, which mind you is made up of 200 sex shop owners from across the country, erupted in laughter.
Next, she told Tyler that whenever he hears the word “charity”, he’s going to take off a piece of his clothing and “donate” it. Then she proceeded to talk to the audience and slipped the word “charity” in periodically.
After taking off his shoes and socks, he took off his shirt, belt, and pants, you would think we were on stage at a strip club. The audience was screaming, hooting and hollering, and yelling obscene things. The large gay male population in the audience was going particularly ape-shit. Tyler was oblivious, thinking he was generously donating his clothes for charity.
The odd thing about being hypnotized is being completely conscious the entire time. I can hear and see everything. And when it’s not my turn being picked on, like when Tyler was standing on stage in his underwear, I could swear they’re faking it. I listen and swear that when it’s my turn, I’m not going to fall for it. But then someone sneezes and there I am orgasming in public.
Next she told Tyler he is a 9 month pregnant woman about to give birth, and the “pepper” guy is the supportive husband. All of a sudden Tyler, in a high-pitched female voice, yelled at Pepper Guy “YOUR PENCIL DICK GOT ME KNOCKED UP!” I almost lost it. I watched my boyfriend near tears, pushing, begging for drugs, and squeezing a strange man’s hand. It was creepy.
As an encore, she told Tyler and I that we would run across the stage and meet in the middle and share the most passionate kiss of our lives (this after the audience members told her the naked guy and the orgasm girl are significant others). So we did, and it got HOT and heavy, moved into groping, me straddling him while he had me pushed up against the wall. The audience could barely contain themselves. After the show, many people told us it was better than porn (and these are people who are in the porn business) because it was real passion and that the hotness of our show was because it was obvious the intense sexual energy was rooted in our love for each other. Definatley among the better compliments I’ve ever received… (I’m bummed no one sent me copies of photos of this part after I sent out emails asking for them. I was waiting for them which is why it took me so long to write this post)
But the hypnotist had to ruin it by saying that I would suddenly have no clue who this man I’m kissing is. Seconds later, I freaked out and pushed Tyler away yelling that this is “sexual assault”. So… I probably was not the best person to do that part of the skit with. But overall, it was an unbelievable experience.
Faking orgasm and dry humping my boyfriend on stage in front of 200 people. This is my life.
Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:
www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique
