LOVE

If you go back far enough, like I explain in my book, it was love that started my interest in sexuality. I wanted a life filled with love, romance, hearts, cuddling, and sappy sweetness. I was obsessed with love my entire young life. It was love that sent me into my high school library in 10th grade to find books of advice on how make love last. In one of the books I found in the library, discussions of love turned to discussions of passion, intimacy, and finally sexuality. I read and read, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Since then, I don’t talk about or write about love as much as I used to. Hardly at all. But I’ve been inspired to revisit the topic.

My grandfather has just died. He and my grandmother had the most beautiful love story of any two people I’ve ever seen in real life, and I think it’s worth witnessing, in case you needed a reminder of love today. 

Their real names are Joyce and Joe, but when I was a kid I noted that “Grand-mom” and “Pop-pop” the names I was brought up calling them, both sound like snack foods; “Gram Cracker” and “Popcorn”, respectively. The names stuck. They have for the last 20 years been Gram and Popcorn to the whole family.   

Gram and Popcorn met in 1967, ironically, at a funeral. He was 37, she was 24 with two kids from a previous marriage, the oldest being my dad, who was then 6. Being a young single mother is the 1960s was no picnic, I imagine, with the various stigmas that go along with it. But Popcorn opened his arms to love the whole family. They married two years later, and he legally adopted my dad and uncle and raised them as his own. For all intents and purposes, they were his own. They took the most adorable picture the day the adoption was finalized out front of the courthouse.

Their wedding, October 18, 1969

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Notice of their marriage license in the paper, which they laminated in a photo album.

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When Popcorn became my dad’s dad, the day of the adoption. That’s my daddy on the right.

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Here are my top 4 favorite things about their love story.

1.      They are the only people I know whose love story has a slogan.

I say “has” and not “had” because even though Popcorn has died, the love is still present tense. Their slogan is “if ever two were one, then surely we.” They had it hanging on a poster above their bed for 43 years, and when they did cute Valentine’s Day shout outs to each other in the local newspaper, this is the quote they used. How adorable is that?

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2.      They let each other, and the world, know they were in love every day.

I think too often it’s easy to not let someone know how you really feel about them. Gram and Popcorn never let a day pass, never let the relationship get too old or too comfortable to say it. I can’t remember a time when I visited their home when there wasn’t some sort of love declaration. There was often a post-it note on the bathroom mirror or on the toaster from Gram to Popcorn saying “I love you and can’t wait to see you after work today” or “Have a wonderful day sweetie. I love you”. There was often chocolate or flowers from Popcorn to Gram (always carnations- they met at a funeral where there were lots of carnations so for 43 years of marriage, carnations was “their” flower). The notes and flowers had no special reason. Just because.

When they signed cards- Christmas cards, birthday cards, or graduation cards, they signed it Love Gram (heart) Popcorn. Not Gram + Popcorn. Not Gram & Popcorn, Gram <3 Popcorn. It’s like it read “Gram loves Popcorn”. And a generic pre-printed “from” was replaced with “love”. It’s the cutest.

I’ve always been a big proponent of PDA, maybe because I was fortunate enough to be able to witness a healthy, loving relationship in Gram and Popcorn. They were in love. And they showed it. They were always hugging, holding hands, just touching.

Public Displays of Affection are healthy and beautiful and there needs to be more of it in our world. Look how she’s looking at him! LOVE!

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Like teenagers, you’d always “catch” them with their arms around each other. They thought they were alone here ;)

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Their refrigerator, like their whole house, is full of love, including pictures of “I LOVE JOEY” and “JOE <3 JOY” drawn in the sand.

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3.      They truly enjoyed each other’s company wanted the other to be happy.

Gram is an avid fisher. She spends as many free weekends per year as possible on boats, on docks, on piers- somewhere near water so she can fish, crab, boogie board, and swim. Popcorn hated water. He was afraid of it because he almost drowned when he was a kid. But he would go with her all the time, and wait at the beach on a lawn chair while she gallivanted around, because he just enjoyed being around her and wanted her to be happy.

4.      They respected each other’s independence and individuality

They loved to be together. Their slogan was ““if ever two were one, then surely we.” But at the same time, they were two unique people and they respected each other’s independence and individuality. Gram, as many of you may know who follow this blog, is a feminist. She would never have her reigns held back, and Popcorn would never want her reigns. So many times I remember Gram going hiking, boating, or fishing with friends (often male friends) or going on a trip with the Cub Scouts (if I remember it correctly, she was the first woman Cub Scout leader in her town), and Popcorn would say, “Have fun” and wish her well for the weekend. One time she and I went away for the weekend to go crabbing in Maryland, and before we left he snuck a $20 bill in her pocket so we could have an extra fun girls’ weekend. They just had so much respect for each other.

The world’s cutest couple got to exist for 43 years. Today, LOVE. Tomorrow, I’ll be sad. And who knows, maybe the next great love story will start with two strangers meeting at his funeral…