Fornicators In My Storage Closet
I had just finished writing a different blog post yesterday when I had to stop to post a photo with the following caption to facebook:
If you come into my store, steal one of my condoms, and fuck in my storage closet, I will catch you, throw you out, take a picture of you running away, and post it on facebook.
This is my life.
I was pissed. I didn’t like them from the beginning, and was going to ask them to either tone down their language or leave when they were rude and saying “fag” this and “faggot” that, which I find offensive.
Then they went in the backroom and when I noticed it was quiet, there were clothes on the floor, and a third person (the look out?) kept bringing condoms in the backroom but came back out without them, I went to check, and that’s when I caught them just post fornication- the “zip up” if you will.
I was initially surprised by my sex-negative reaction. I was very “EWWW” and “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” and “AND YOU STOLE A CONDOM? DID YOU STEAL ONE OF MY DEMO SEX TOYS TOO, BECAUSE IF SO YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE IT. I DON’T WANT IT BACK NOW!” and “GET THE FUCK OUT AND DON’T COME BACK!”
At first, I thought, wow, kinda harsh. Lots of people get their kicks from public sex. I told you about my encounter with Tyler in the bathroom of a Toronto gay bar. If we had been caught and yelled at that way, I’d probably call them prudes.
But at the same time, these people were rude, they stole from me, they entered my private employee-only area, and had sex a few inches away from my lunch bag.
However, within a few minutes I was over it and went from pissed to thinking it was hilarious.
If we’re friends on facebook, you know this much of the story. But, the plot thickens… I received a private facebook message from someone saying they recognized the woman as their girlfriend, except he wasn’t the man she was fornicating with in my storage closet…. And he’s pressing me to identify her. So now I’m in a new pickle. Part of me wants to help this poor guy out. Another part of me wants to not rat on her. Part of me is thinking he’s just joking anyway…
Fun fun fun.
But wait, there’s more!
I later tried to log into facebook but was blocked for several hours. When I was finally able to log in, I was met with a message from facebook warning me about posting content that is bullying. Someone must have reported the photo, saying I was using it to bully the fornicators.
I don’t really see it as bullying. I see if more like back in the day when stores would post copies of bounced checks that customers wrote them by the register, as a sort of public acknowledgment of theft and ridiculousness.
Fornication is a fun word. And fun to do. Just don’t do it in my storage closet please!
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