Too Sexy For Halloween?
Halloween makes me sad. Every year I start out excited for a night of fun and dancing in sexy and creative costumes, and every year I am instead confronted with the negative socio-sexual quandaries that plague our world.
Tyler and I went naked. Not figuratively. Literally.
I thought it was very clever and I thought we looked hot! On night one, at first, everyone thought so too! We were the stars of the bar. Everyone was complimenting us, saying we looked amazing, and a dozen or more people asked to pose in pictures with us. We were very flattered and having a great time. But then as the night went on, and people got drunker, I started getting the “oh shit!” remarks from men. Which leads me to the first socio-sexual quandary:
- Why can’t I be sexualized without being objectified?
I’m a sexual person. I enjoy my sexuality and my body, and I enjoy expressing it. Why can’t people just enjoy the public sexual exhibit without then, because I’m a woman expressing sexuality, reduce me to an object. I was walking home from the bar at 2am when a couple asked if I’d pose in a picture. The boyfriend took the photo as I posed with the girl who said to me “You’re pretty hot. I might make out with you”. I thought this was amusing. Just then, another man walks by us, points to me and yells “I want to get a picture with that too!” I responded “THAT?” Apparently I’m just a thing now.
The next night also started out fun- lots of dancing, complimenting other people’s funny and creative costumes, and people complimenting ours- but then I started noticing something irritating. Men would come up and tell us they thought the costumes were great, and shake Tyler’s hand, high five him, or fist bump, but not me. The costumes were my idea and hello! I’m standing here! I just get ignored. Tyler, who becomes more and more of a feminist everyday, was like “you can shake her hand too”. One guy said to us “That’s awesome! You guys’ got brass balls dressing up like that!” and Tyler responded “And ovaries!” This forced me to reckon with another socio-sexual quandary:
- Why don’t men greet me, address me, or shake my hand, when my boyfriend is present? Why is he the default while I stand there like decoration?
Like the first night, as the booze started flowing, the later the evening got the less fun it became as others became more and more obnoxious. We were finalist in the costume contest and were standing in line to get on stage when I noticed a woman passing behind me. She gave her friend a HORRIBLE dirty look, a look like she could not believe I had dared be sexual and confident in public. Then, she intentionally gave me a shoulder bump while passing it off like it was accidental in the crowded bar.
I said, “I know you did that on purpose, and I don’t know why you have to touch me”. She then put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a small shove while saying in the most condescending tone possible, “I think you’re a little confused honey.” I just keep saying “You’re still touching me! You need to not put your hands on me”. She, still with her hand pushing on my shoulder with each syllable she spoke, said “Why would I ever want to touch your disgusting body?”
So then I LOST it and start screaming, going on my sex-positive rant that I have made a career out of trying to empower women to be sexually confident and love their bodies, which will be a losing battle, and women will always be oppressed if other women keep feeling threatened and bringing forth such negativity against other attractive, sexually confident women, and how women are their own worst enemies and are oppressing themselves, and we, as women, need to be united and uplift each other not be jealous of each other and try to knock others down when we both know my body is not disgusing.. .and blah blah blah, mixed in with a few “don’t fucking touch me” and other choice words. Meanwhile her friend starts screaming and cursing at Tyler. It was a scene. Then, I couldn’t believe it, she gives me a hard two-handed shove which sent me flying, my back hitting the corner of the bar.
I was SO SO SO SO SO upset about this. It took everything I had not to let loose. I just kept thinking “I have a book coming out in one week, I can’t get arrested for being in a naked bar fight and have that kind of publicity right before the release. I’m not going to let this woman ruin all that hard work that I’ve done”. But WOW was I LIVID that her insecurity had manifested into her putting her hands on me in a violent way. One of my hot button socio-sexual quandaries:
- Why do women feel the need to make women who feel good about themselves feel bad about themselves?
So sad. Maybe next year it will be different?
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