October is [Insert Sexual Issue Here] Awareness Month
I’ve been slacking as a sexual rights advocate. I guess my therapy has worked because ever since I completed therapy for my vicarious trauma from talking/seeing/hearing/thinking/caring too much about rape and other sexual injustice and violence, you haven’t heard me blogging about the latest sex-related horror in the world. I guess this is a good thing since I spent all that time and money in therapy because sexual rights advocacy consumed my life and gave me nightmares and other mental health problems. But I have been SO focused on happy things, like my forthcoming book and exciting college speaking career, that I’ve neglected to even acknowledge these things. Perhaps swinging too far the other way?
So I’m writing this post to take a quick moment to raise awareness for the 4 sexuality related issues October is dedicated to raising awareness for. And then I’ll be done, not dwell, and go back to fun and exciting thoughts.
- October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Did you hear about Topeka, Kansas decriminalizing domestic violence because they have budget cuts and they thought not prosecuting these cases would be a good way to save money? Dozens of people were let out of jail without a trial, at least one of whom went back to reoffend and commit acts of violence against his wife.
OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!
Domestic Violence is a societal problem stemming from a worldview that devalues women and women’s work. Society should foot the bill for solving this problem. It’s hard enough to speak out as a victim, to now to find there’s no legal way to make the abuser stop is infuriating and must be so frightening to the people of Topeka. To decriminalize domestic violence further shows a devaluing of women, which will no doubt lead to more crime both as a function of practicality (one can get away with it) and attitude (if the cops don’t care if I beat my girlfriend, why should I?). To decriminalize domestic violence during Domestic Violence Awareness Month is just an extra slap in the face.
I quickly want to highlight the non physical side of domestic abuse. Abuse comes in many varieties like financial, emotional, and psychological. Sometimes these are the hardest to get out of because of the mental grooming and manipulation that leaves victims being berated, belittled, and controlled but confusing feelings of love at the same time.
- October is LGBT History Month
I have been quite a few places that featured pride flags and other markers noting LGBT History Month! I’m glad that awareness is being raised about the humanity and contributions made by a people who have historically been so mistreated and disrespected.
Not sure what to say about this other than the obvious- bullying, discrimination, hatred, and second-class citizenship is NOT cool. YAY LGBT History Month!
- October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Breast cancer scares the shit out of me. Admittedly, I sometimes forget to “feel my boobies” and the October awareness campaign is so helpful and important because with all the reminders, if nothing else, I’ll check myself during the month of October. Have you this month?
- October is Family Sex Education Month
(no symbol yet)
I love this one! Parents are so integral in the sex education process, and not just the “this is a penis, this is a vagina” education. You get teach your children about so many things, like the aforementioned issues. You get to teach your child about how to love and respect a partner, and never hurt. You get to teach your child about how love comes in different shapes and sizes, and sometime boys love boys, girls love girls, boys love girls, and girls love boys. You get to raise the next generation of people who will be loving, well-adjusted, functioning sexual beings. Now don’t fuck it up! I joke, I joke.
It’s a lot of pressure and easier said than done, but I used to teach a class for tips on how to talk to children about sex and raise a child in a non-sexually shaming household. Here are just a few little tips to get you started.
- Use proper anatomy. It’s not a who-ha, pee pee, or “down there”. When you teach the other body parts like nose and knee, you don’t give them nicknames, so why the genitals? Calling them something else is step 1 in a long line of subtle messages of shame and that there is something about this we can’t talk about.
- Have the same rules and expectations for male and female children. Let your son cry. Let your daughter help you fix the clogged sink. When they’re older, give them the same curfew and rules about dating.
- Never force your child to kiss or hug anyone hello or goodbye, even grandma. They may be small, but they have the right to autonomous body.
- Be “age-appropriate” while also realizing that your understanding of what is age-appropriate is probably several years off. 9 years old to teach about periods, 13 to teach about sex, and 18 on the drive to college to teach about condoms is WAY too late. It’s better than nothing, but really should be much much earlier than that.
There’s quite a bit more tidbits where that comes from if you’re interested in bringing me out for a workshop on the topic.
Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:
