A Day in the Life of a Sexologist

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Looky what I got!! #birthcontrolpills? Nope! #iphonecase! #loveit #sexednerd #birthcontrolpack #customphonecase

Looky what I got!! #birthcontrolpills? Nope! #iphonecase! #loveit #sexednerd #birthcontrolpack #customphonecase

jackpowerx:

geekygothgirl:

The original is good, the comment is STUNNING. Love it!

So, basically, this is a symbolic representation of internalized misogyny:


My post from two weeks ago has been memefied! And has 50,000 tumblr shares. Too bad I’m not getting any of those clicks and views because it was copy and pasted instead of shared from here, but I’m just glad people are seeing it and having important discussion about misogyny. 

jackpowerx:

geekygothgirl:

The original is good, the comment is STUNNING. Love it!

So, basically, this is a symbolic representation of internalized misogyny:

My post from two weeks ago has been memefied! And has 50,000 tumblr shares. Too bad I’m not getting any of those clicks and views because it was copy and pasted instead of shared from here, but I’m just glad people are seeing it and having important discussion about misogyny.Β 

(Source: theconcealedweapon)

Exactly one year ago today my half naked ass was on the front page of Cosmo’s website. #thisismylife #hotnewlyweds #sexologist #cosmopolitan #timehop

Exactly one year ago today my half naked ass was on the front page of Cosmo’s website. #thisismylife #hotnewlyweds #sexologist #cosmopolitan #timehop

Today is the last day to book me during my Sex Ed Road Trip. Spots available for private in-home parties like Fellatio 101, Female Orgasm 101, and Sex Toys 101. Also spots available for college workshops on slut-shaming, sexual diversity, sexual health, and many more! Email jill@thesexologist.org to book your party, or get the ball rolling on how to bring me to your campus. I’ll be through several cities in Tennessee, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, and New York. Email me and we can talk about what dates I’ll be in your area.

I’m already planning my route for my next speaking tour in February. It will be mostly west coast, so NY, OH, MO TN, and TX folks, this might be your last chance to do sex ed with me at the highly discounted road trip rate for a year or more, so don’t wait!

Turning 29

Today is my 29th birthday. I feel good. I look good. I can’t complain. For decades when my mom was in her 30s, 40s, and now 50s, she would always joke on her birthday that she’s “turning 29 again”. As a kid and teen, that sounded “old” and I didn’t understand why she would long for 29 when there were, I believed at the time, more desirable ages like 16 (you can drive!) and 21 (you can drink!). Now I appreciate how perfect 29 is. I’m still youthful. Hell, I’m still in my 20s, but I have my shit together in a way I never did until now. I’m in a good place in my career, financially, with friendships and my love life. I have the disposable income and life situation such that I can do much of what I desire and dream of doing, and still the energy to go do it. I have high hopes for 29!image

For the last few birthdays, I’ve been sharing with you a list of 10 goals for the upcoming year, and checking my progress from the previous years goals. Let’s see how I did:

1. Check off 5 new states in my long term goal of teaching a sex class in all 50 states. But this time, cross off some tougher states like Texas, Louisiana, or Mississippi.

Nope. I did do sex ed in South Carolina, and the speaking tour I’m embarking on next week will have me doing sex classes in Louisiana, Texas, and Oklahoma, so those are some “tougher” states checked off, but honestly, hitting all 50 states isn’t a huge major goal of mine anymore. Sure, it’ll be cool when it happens, but it feel less important than it used to. Funny how life goals change like that.

2. Move out of Pennsylvania. Preferably to somewhere 1. warmer, and 2. less actively hostile to my feminist sex-positive mission, than my current residence in PA.

No, and frankly I’m pretty unhappy about this. I thought I’d be long gone by now, but I have learned that uprooting your life takes more time than previously thought.

3. Do better at not letting my anger at the sexual injustice that exists in the world impact my quality of life and interpersonal relationships.

I give myself an A for effort, and a C+ for achievement. I’ve been seeing a therapist about this weekly for 6 months, dabbling in mindfulness meditation, and trying to distance myself from particularly triggering social media posts so that I can be better at not letting my anger at sexual injustice impact my ability to enjoy life.

4. Go out dancing more.

Total fail.

5. Get a little part time side job that will allow me to use my expertise in ways I can’t being self-employed, such as an adjunct human sexuality or gender studies professor, or a community educator for a sexual assault prevention organization.

I did get hired to teach a 200 level psych course on human sexuality as an adjunct, and then it got cancelled due to low enrollment. And then I forgot about this goal because I spent too much time trying to improve my business. Another goal that lost it’s luster over the year.

6. Visit Asia. Or Australia. Or both.

Another no. I was supposed to visit Asia but those plans turned into an epic disaster. I never wrote about it. Perhaps I should fill you in.

7. Have more sex.

Finally, a winner! I’m telling you, scheduling sex is the way to go.

8. Do an in-home party (preferably my Female Orgasm party, but who am I to be picky?) for a celebrity and her friends.

No. Still don’t know any celebrities.

9. Not have a national controversy occur.

Bingo! I think I actually made it 12 months without a national controversy, although there was a ton of local media attention when I closed my shop in November.

10. Do what I love, and feel fulfilled and rewarded.

YES! Closing the shop was bittersweet, but the necessary task to succeed at #10; doing what I love everyday and feeling rewarded and appreciated in that work.

So I’m at 30% rate here, but what’s interesting is how many of these goals I didn’t succeed at because I no longer have that aspiration. Also interesting is that going back several years, I found I succeeded at goals I initially failed at. When I turned 26 I set a goal to “become closer to my sister”. On my 27th birthday I looked back at that goal and determined we weren’t measurably “closer”. But this year, as she goes through her pregnancy and I get to be an aunt to her child, we’re the closest we’ve ever been. On my 27th birthday one of my goals was “have my own sex toy line”. On my 28th birthday last year, I said “nope, and I still have no idea how to make this happen.” This year, it happened! So it’s just a reminder that success isn’t about a series of fulfilling goals. It’s about believing in yourself and understanding the core essence of your dreams, while allowing the road there to stagger, change, and even go backwards sometimes.image

Here are 10 personal and professional goals I have for this year. Next year when I turn 30, we’ll look back and see how I did.

1. Be a millionaire. Let’s get the big one out of the way first. I have never been money hungry at all, but I always thought it would be cool to be a millionaire by 30. Now that I’m creeping up on 30 I figure maybe I can really push my speaking career, potential TV show career, sex toy line career, or something I haven’t thought of yet, to have $1,000,000 net worth within the next 365 days.

2. Write at least 25,000 words of my next book. Haven’t decided if I want to write one on orgasm or rape culture first, but one of those.

3. Live in California.

4. Own a house. Hopefully one with a yard so I can host the first of what I plan to be an annual watermelon festival in my backyard with friends and family.

5. Have my Hysteria sex toy line fully launched and travel the country training sales people on sexual anatomy and how to properly inform their customers about how to use my vibrators.

6. Teach sex ed to 5,000 people, live in person.

7. Watch my nibling be born and be an awesome aunt to this little person coming into the world soon.

8. Go to at least 2 workshops or presentations given by other sexuality experts for professional development.

9. Be a little more sexually adventurous.

10. Be kinder to myself and others.

It’s fun to look back πŸŽˆπŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‚ “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” #1stbirthday #21stbirthday #29thbirthday #aging #growingolder #anothertriparoundthesun

It’s fun to look back πŸŽˆπŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‚ “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” #1stbirthday #21stbirthday #29thbirthday #aging #growingolder #anothertriparoundthesun

29 and feeling fine! πŸŽ‰πŸŽˆπŸŽ‚ #birthdayselfie #29thbirthday

29 and feeling fine! πŸŽ‰πŸŽˆπŸŽ‚ #birthdayselfie #29thbirthday

Aug 9
Another day, another guy asking to book my fellatio 101 class thinking that means I will suck his dick. #sexologistproblems

Another day, another guy asking to book my fellatio 101 class thinking that means I will suck his dick. #sexologistproblems

Aug 7
#blueballs. Fun fact 1: blue balls is just #vasocongestion. It goes away quickly as the blood drains from the genitals to the rest of the body. Fun fact 2: vulva-bearers get vasocongestion too (blue labia?). Fun fact 3: vulva vasocongestion is what led to the invention of the vibrator, as a medical device, to treat what they thought was a disease. Really it was just blue labia from the lack of clit loving. Sad times. #sexed #sexfacts #sexedteacher #sexedprops

#blueballs. Fun fact 1: blue balls is just #vasocongestion. It goes away quickly as the blood drains from the genitals to the rest of the body. Fun fact 2: vulva-bearers get vasocongestion too (blue labia?). Fun fact 3: vulva vasocongestion is what led to the invention of the vibrator, as a medical device, to treat what they thought was a disease. Really it was just blue labia from the lack of clit loving. Sad times. #sexed #sexfacts #sexedteacher #sexedprops

Aug 6

Sex Ed Road Trip; new tour dates and cities

I’m a better sexologist than I am speaking tour planner, but for a non-famous person, and without the help of an agent or some other professional skilled at these things, I’m pretty happy with how my Sex Ed Road Trip is shaping up.

That said, there are still some huge gaps I’d really like to have filled, so I arranged the schedule around a bit. In between Philadelphia and my Female Orgasm 101 party in New Orleans, I’m wide open. So I could take a southern route and hit Charlotte, Raleigh, and Atlanta, or go west, and pass Nashville, TN, and Jackson, MI. I have multiple route options depending on who books me first, and where you live. So book me first! I also added Austin, TX, Santa Fe, NM, Chicago, IL, that is of course unless someone in San Antonio, Albuquerque, or Cincinnati books me first and changes my route.

There is a method to my madness.

image

Here’s a map. If where you live is covered in red, I *may* take a route by your house, and therefore you should email me at jill@thesexologist.org to book an in-home party and/or college workshop before someone else does and takes me on a different direction that day, not by your house. Or if you’re more of a list person, here’s a list with all the possible cities I’ll pass and the dates.

Why should you care?

Because sex ed is important! And fun! And having a sexologist come speak at your school is super cool and having a sexologist come speaking in your living room is even cooler! Plus, it’s super cheap. Everyone I do sex ed with along Sex Ed Road Trip cost shares in the travel expenses, making the cost to bring me out approximately $20-30 per person instead of the $200-$300 per person it might cost to bring me out independently of the speaking tour, where you’d bear the full cost of my airfare/hotel/car rental/speaking fee yourself. Yes, this is SOCIALIZED SEX EDUCATION! Take advantage of it!

Female Orgasm 101 is the most popular pick so far, but for your party, we could also do Fellatio 101, Kama Sutra Positions 101, a fun sex trivia game, or a sex toy demo. For your school, we can do everyone’s fav “Sex: Am I Normal?”. I also have topics ranging from pleasure, slut-shaming, sex education, and safer sex, so let’s do this! Email jill@thesexologist.org to get the ball rolling!

All events during Sex Ed Road Trip must be finalized by August 12, less than 1 week from today!