A Day in the Life of a Sexologist

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Moving and getting rid of sex books and stuff, round 2

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m moving. For many reasons. Because the corner out front of my apartment. Because West Chester. Because it’s dumpy and shabby and the best I could afford when I was 23 and moved in here, but I can do better now. And because my sex education business is too big and my apartment is too small. My apartment is 629 square feet, and things related to my business take up 176 square feet, or over 1/4 of it (I had to calculate this for tax write off purposes). We are swimming in sex toys, sex ed props, and sex books.

This is my living room, piled high with inventory, teaching materials, shipping materials, and office papers.image

This is my hallway, boxes of sex books!

 And a plush penis.image

This is my bedroom, boxes and boxes of sex toys! And plus testicles. image

I can not live like this, and I can not work like this. I am so moving!

Round 1 of moving was going through my 10 million sex books and figuring out how to part with most of them. I agonized over this but finally decided to get two small boxes, and put the books I wanted to keep in them. After they were full, no more. The rest would be donated. It was hard and took me 2 months, but I did it. And then I found I’m missing some of my favorites that I knew were going into the keep pile. I lent them out and never got them back. If you borrowed Cunt from me, please return it! (PS: that was an entertaining discovery as I bellowed through the house without context, “I’m missing my Cunt!”

I gave some sex books to my Gram. The rest are being donated to the library, but they don’t take textbooks, so those are are currently being sold on my website for $3 if you’re a sex nerd and want a cheap textbook.  

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Round 2 of moving is going through inventory I don’t sell anymore. After closing the shop, I significantly downsized my inventory collection to mostly just a handful of products I use to demonstrate at my in-home parties. The leftover stock is now on steep clearance on my website. I have fun t-shirts for sale for $3. Sexy panties $2, lingerie as low as $7. I have a $70 harness selling for $15. Toys for $4, and high-end vibes like LELO and JimmyJane selling for a fraction of their regular price, one originally $115 now $35.

I’m confident it will all be gone by tomorrow, but anything left by morning is getting boxed and sold as a lot to a sex store. And then it will be round 3 of moving and the tale of Dr. Jill gets a new home. To be continued…

No one will treat you as good as I do
You won’t find anyone better.
I know better than you do what’s good for you.
I know you think you want to leave, but that’s because you’re crazy and don’t know any better.
I know you think I’m pestering you right now, but really I’m trying to help you.
Why?
Why?
Why do you want to leave?
You owe me an explanation
No, that explanation is not valid.
Why?
After all the years we’ve been together, and all the times I was there for you, you want to just walk away for no good reason?
Do you not understand I’m the BEST THING FOR YOU!?

Rhetoric abusers use when their partner tries to leave, or rhetoric Comcast employees use when a customer tries to cancel service? Or both?

To my knowledge, usually producers have a concept idea for a show, and then cast the parts. Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, a TV producer did it the opposite way, and said, “Dr. Jill. We like you. We want to make a TV show about you, but we don’t know what we want the show to be about. We don’t want it to focus too much on the “sex stuff”, so the show wouldn’t be just following you around to fellatio parties with a camera. But what instead?”

You read all about my life here. What angle for a show would you suggest that highlights non “sex stuff” parts of my life? Give me your pitch, you know, hypothetically:

Life after Feminique

About 4 times a week, someone stops me on the street to say, “I’m so sorry about Feminique closing”. They say it like they’re giving condolences about a divorce or a death or something. I say, “It’s OK. It’s so much better now” and they smile, thinking I’m just being polite.

I’m not being polite. It’s seriously SO. MUCH. BETTER. NOW.

Today I’m doing the second round of Skype interviews for a potential reality show deal about my life. My Hysteria sex toy line is launching soon. I’m gearing up for this amazing cross-country sex ed speaking tour next month. I’m getting quoted regularly in magazine sex articles. Everything is so exciting for me right now!

My effort to income ratio is so much better. I work 30-50 hours weeks instead of 60-100 hour weeks, and I’m making about 4x as much, because I get to keep most of the money I earn instead of spending it on shop overhead like rent, payroll, credit card processing, and attorney fees.

My average day is spent doing what I set out to do- sex ed, not retail headaches like employee scheduling, stocking inventory, and cleaning.

Not to mention, I don’t have to deal with the Borough of West Chester! Huge plus!

With my extra time, and extra money, I go to the beach regularly, travel, and do my #88dates challenge. When I’m working, I’m doing work I love, and work I can feel good about, because it’s a reasonable number of hours, and I’m more fairly compensated. Plus I work from home now, so I get to work on my couch in my underwear. I’m in my underwear as we speak!

Life after Feminique is SO MUCH BETTER. Thank you for the empathy, but seriously, closing Feminique improved my quality of life tremendously. But the next step in getting my life where I want it to be is…. moving out of West Chester! Stay tuned for that!

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#88dates, dates 1-22

I told you that Ryan and I began a dating challenge to go on 88 different dates between Memorial Day and New Year’s Eve. We set out to challenge our own dating repertoire, teach the internet about the fun of dating, breathe some positivity into a ugly world, and model healthy masculinity, healthy relationships, and how gender doesn’t have to pigeonhole you in what type of activities you can try and enjoy in life. We’ve been documenting the adventure on Instagram with the hashtag #88dates, but here’s a more thorough update on our progress:

We are a quarter of the way through! We have gone on 22 dates in the 42 days of the challenge so far, which is averaging more than one every other day. At this rate, we’ll be done all 88 dates by October 15, 2 1/2 months ahead of schedule.

I’ll share with you what we’ve done so far, some of my favorite photos, and some unforeseen bumps long the road.

  1. Picnic at the lake. Cost $0. Time. 2 hours
  2. River tubing. Cost $42. Time 2 hours
  3. Playing badminton in the park. Cost $0. Time 45 minutes
  4. Manis/Pedis. Cost $75. Time 1.5 hours
  5. Batting cages. Cost $12 for 135 pitches. Time 1 hour
  6. Attend a street festival (balloons, face paint, cotton candy, the works). Cost $10. Time 2 hours
  7. Attend a charity event. We went to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser at the Academy of Natural Sciences. Cost $0, because our tickets were donated to us, otherwise it would have been $170. Time 3 hours
  8. Drive-in movie. Cost $22, $40 if you include concessions.
  9. Strawberry picking. Cost $8. Time 30 minutes
  10. Racing cars (autocross). Cost $60. Time 5 hours
  11. Private showing at a planetarium. Cost $0. Time 1.5 hours
  12. Treasure-hunting at yard sales. Cost $64 (but depends on how much you buy of course). Time 4 hours
  13. Paddle boarding. Cost $50. Time 1 hour
  14. Frozen yogurt. Cost $9. Time 30 minutes
  15. Making homemade fruit roll-ups. Cost $0. Time 1 hour
  16. Farm experience. Cost $24. Time 2 hours
  17. See a local band at an outdoor concert. Cost $0. Time 2 hours
  18. Take Carl for a walk. Cost $0. Time 5 minutes (Carl didn’t want to be walked)
  19. Lady Gaga concert in Atlantic City. Cost $20 for parking. Tickets were a gift. Time 2.5 hours
  20. Photo scavenger hunt. Cost $45 ( would have been $0 if we used our phones). Time 3 hours
  21. Hand-dipped milkshakes at a 50s diner. Cost $21. Time 1.5 hours
  22. Go for a bike ride. Cost $0. Time 15 minutes

My favorite dates were the river tubing (so fun and relaxing with beautiful scenery), going to the little dairy farm (the pigmy goat that was 5 days old and climbing all over us was just squeeeeeeee) and #1 favorite by far was the scavenger hunt. That was a three part date where first we made a list of 30 things to take photos of and assigned point values, next we went to a state park with two disposable cameras, split up for an hour, and tried to get as many photos from the list as possible. Then, we developed the pics from the one hour photo, compared them, and see who won. We will definitely do this one again, although with our phones instead of crap quality and expensive disposable cameras (we had a rationale for using disposables, but meh, not worth it). 

Here are a few my favorite date photos so far:

Both good and less good, there were a number of things that came up in the first quarter of #88dates that we did not foresee:

1. Dating is expensive! You’re probably thinking, duh, but we dated all the time before this challenge and I never felt it hurt the pocket like #88dates has. We went on a number of $0 dates (8 of them) and a handful of dates that were less than $10 (3), and it still feels really expensive. We didn’t do a few we wanted to because it just wasn’t in the budget.

2. When there is a race against a clock to go on as many dates as possible, you will schedule dates, go on dates, and spend time together even if you’re cranky or mad at each other. This can be both good and bad.

3. If you’re a couple who enjoys spending time together (and I hope you are otherwise… why?), you might find it’s hard to figure out what “counts” as a date because you’ll wonder if time you spend together is a date, or just you being you. For our purposes of this primarily being an Instagram sharing challenge, we counted dates that were more photogenic. For example Date #22, the bike ride, for us, wasn’t really a “date”. We decided to ride a tandem bike, and it looked photo worthy as well as an opportunity to model how dates don’t have to be elaborate, if you can steal 10 minutes away together, that’s better than none. In reality, we spend that entire day together. We went to the beach together, cooked dinner together. Is that a date too? What about if other people are there? That day we spent a lot of time creating our own Cards Against Humanity cards and then playing, but friends and family were there too. Does that count as a date? We decided no. Also if you include regular ordinary dining out, we’ve probably already done all 88 dates, no exaggeration, because we eat out all the time. In real life, I count those as dates. For this challenge of expanding a dating repertoire with different and original dates, we decided lunch at Applebee’s doesn’t count.

4. 88 *different* dates is a lot. And we found that there were some dates that we REALLY loved and want to do again (like river tubing, making fruit-roll ups, and the scavenger hunt), but if we do them again, we take precious time away from doing a different date that will count towards the 88. This is an example of how this challenge will work better in your life if you adopt it on principle, without all the rules.

5. We worked hard to list 88 different dates, and then found there were some we couldn’t count because they were happening two at a time. For example, going to batting cages, and riding go-karts, were two different date ideas on our list. But the place we went to for batting cages also had go-karts, which we rode on the same date. Only counts as one, not two.

All in all, I’d say #88dates has been a huge success so far. We are having a hell of a fun time, which ultimately, is the most important goal. And also, as I was hoping would happen, we are going on dates we never in a million years would have thought to do before this challenge, and we learned we can enjoy things that never would have crossed our mind. For example, neither of us are sports people, and never would have said on a Saturday afternoon, “hey, wanna go to the batting cages?” But because it was on the #88dates list, we went, and what a blast we had! He was pleasantly surprised by how much he enjoyed getting a pedicure, and I was glad I stepped outside my comfort zone by racing in autocross.

In a few weeks I’ll post another summary of dates 23-44, along with some tips on how to do your own dating challenge. In the meantime, check out #88dates on Instagram. You can also submit date ideas to jill@thesexologist.org.

I just finished this film and I can’t stop looking at, feeling, and appreciating my boobs ever since. #boobalogues #loveyourbody #boobmovie #netflix

I just finished this film and I can’t stop looking at, feeling, and appreciating my boobs ever since. #boobalogues #loveyourbody #boobmovie #netflix

I guess we all have to reevaluate our lives? It’s amazing how many people are convinced the entire field of study related to human sexual behavior is made up and phony. Folks, it is real and I have the student loan debt to prove it. #sexologistproblems #idiotsontwitter #antiintellectualism

I guess we all have to reevaluate our lives? It’s amazing how many people are convinced the entire field of study related to human sexual behavior is made up and phony. Folks, it is real and I have the student loan debt to prove it. #sexologistproblems #idiotsontwitter #antiintellectualism

How cute are these undies? If you folks don’t scoop these up in my clearance sale, I am keeping them for myself! #rufflebutt #crotchless #garterpanties #iloveunderwear #cutepanties #sexyunderoos #iwantthemall #lingeriesale

How cute are these undies? If you folks don’t scoop these up in my clearance sale, I am keeping them for myself! #rufflebutt #crotchless #garterpanties #iloveunderwear #cutepanties #sexyunderoos #iwantthemall #lingeriesale

Another day, another unsolicited dick pic.

In my ongoing attempt to declutter my home office of sex related products I don’t sell anymore, I’m putting a ton of lingerie on clearance. Help me de-corset my house! www.thesexologist.org/store/c25/Clearance_.html #sexologistproblems #lingerieoverload #lingeriesale

In my ongoing attempt to declutter my home office of sex related products I don’t sell anymore, I’m putting a ton of lingerie on clearance. Help me de-corset my house! www.thesexologist.org/store/c25/Clearance_.html #sexologistproblems #lingerieoverload #lingeriesale