Today is the last day to book me during my Sex Ed Road Trip. Spots available for private in-home parties like Fellatio 101, Female Orgasm 101, and Sex Toys 101. Also spots available for college workshops on slut-shaming, sexual diversity, sexual health, and many more! Email email@example.com to book your party, or get the ball rolling on how to bring me to your campus. I’ll be through several cities in Tennessee, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, and New York. Email me and we can talk about what dates I’ll be in your area.
I’m already planning my route for my next speaking tour in February. It will be mostly west coast, so NY, OH, MO TN, and TX folks, this might be your last chance to do sex ed with me at the highly discounted road trip rate for a year or more, so don’t wait!
Today is my 29th birthday. I feel good. I look good. I can’t complain. For decades when my mom was in her 30s, 40s, and now 50s, she would always joke on her birthday that she’s “turning 29 again”. As a kid and teen, that sounded “old” and I didn’t understand why she would long for 29 when there were, I believed at the time, more desirable ages like 16 (you can drive!) and 21 (you can drink!). Now I appreciate how perfect 29 is. I’m still youthful. Hell, I’m still in my 20s, but I have my shit together in a way I never did until now. I’m in a good place in my career, financially, with friendships and my love life. I have the disposable income and life situation such that I can do much of what I desire and dream of doing, and still the energy to go do it. I have high hopes for 29!
For the last few birthdays, I’ve been sharing with you a list of 10 goals for the upcoming year, and checking my progress from the previous years goals. Let’s see how I did:
1. Check off 5 new states in my long term goal of teaching a sex class in all 50 states. But this time, cross off some tougher states like Texas, Louisiana, or Mississippi.
Nope. I did do sex ed in South Carolina, and the speaking tour I’m embarking on next week will have me doing sex classes in Louisiana, Texas, and Oklahoma, so those are some “tougher” states checked off, but honestly, hitting all 50 states isn’t a huge major goal of mine anymore. Sure, it’ll be cool when it happens, but it feel less important than it used to. Funny how life goals change like that.
2. Move out of Pennsylvania. Preferably to somewhere 1. warmer, and 2. less actively hostile to my feminist sex-positive mission, than my current residence in PA.
No, and frankly I’m pretty unhappy about this. I thought I’d be long gone by now, but I have learned that uprooting your life takes more time than previously thought.
3. Do better at not letting my anger at the sexual injustice that exists in the world impact my quality of life and interpersonal relationships.
I give myself an A for effort, and a C+ for achievement. I’ve been seeing a therapist about this weekly for 6 months, dabbling in mindfulness meditation, and trying to distance myself from particularly triggering social media posts so that I can be better at not letting my anger at sexual injustice impact my ability to enjoy life.
4. Go out dancing more.
5. Get a little part time side job that will allow me to use my expertise in ways I can’t being self-employed, such as an adjunct human sexuality or gender studies professor, or a community educator for a sexual assault prevention organization.
I did get hired to teach a 200 level psych course on human sexuality as an adjunct, and then it got cancelled due to low enrollment. And then I forgot about this goal because I spent too much time trying to improve my business. Another goal that lost it’s luster over the year.
6. Visit Asia. Or Australia. Or both.
Another no. I was supposed to visit Asia but those plans turned into an epic disaster. I never wrote about it. Perhaps I should fill you in.
8. Do an in-home party (preferably my Female Orgasm party, but who am I to be picky?) for a celebrity and her friends.
No. Still don’t know any celebrities.
9. Not have a national controversy occur.
Bingo! I think I actually made it 12 months without a national controversy, although there was a ton of local media attention when I closed my shop in November.
10. Do what I love, and feel fulfilled and rewarded.
YES! Closing the shop was bittersweet, but the necessary task to succeed at #10; doing what I love everyday and feeling rewarded and appreciated in that work.
So I’m at 30% rate here, but what’s interesting is how many of these goals I didn’t succeed at because I no longer have that aspiration. Also interesting is that going back several years, I found I succeeded at goals I initially failed at. When I turned 26 I set a goal to “become closer to my sister”. On my 27th birthday I looked back at that goal and determined we weren’t measurably “closer”. But this year, as she goes through her pregnancy and I get to be an aunt to her child, we’re the closest we’ve ever been. On my 27th birthday one of my goals was “have my own sex toy line”. On my 28th birthday last year, I said “nope, and I still have no idea how to make this happen.” This year, it happened! So it’s just a reminder that success isn’t about a series of fulfilling goals. It’s about believing in yourself and understanding the core essence of your dreams, while allowing the road there to stagger, change, and even go backwards sometimes.
Here are 10 personal and professional goals I have for this year. Next year when I turn 30, we’ll look back and see how I did.
1. Be a millionaire. Let’s get the big one out of the way first. I have never been money hungry at all, but I always thought it would be cool to be a millionaire by 30. Now that I’m creeping up on 30 I figure maybe I can really push my speaking career, potential TV show career, sex toy line career, or something I haven’t thought of yet, to have $1,000,000 net worth within the next 365 days.
2. Write at least 25,000 words of my next book. Haven’t decided if I want to write one on orgasm or rape culture first, but one of those.
3. Live in California.
4. Own a house. Hopefully one with a yard so I can host the first of what I plan to be an annual watermelon festival in my backyard with friends and family.
5. Have my Hysteria sex toy line fully launched and travel the country training sales people on sexual anatomy and how to properly inform their customers about how to use my vibrators.
6. Teach sex ed to 5,000 people, live in person.
7. Watch my nibling be born and be an awesome aunt to this little person coming into the world soon.
8. Go to at least 2 workshops or presentations given by other sexuality experts for professional development.
I’m a better sexologist than I am speaking tour planner, but for a non-famous person, and without the help of an agent or some other professional skilled at these things, I’m pretty happy with how my Sex Ed Road Trip is shaping up.
That said, there are still some huge gaps I’d really like to have filled, so I arranged the schedule around a bit. In between Philadelphia and my Female Orgasm 101 party in New Orleans, I’m wide open. So I could take a southern route and hit Charlotte, Raleigh, and Atlanta, or go west, and pass Nashville, TN, and Jackson, MI. I have multiple route options depending on who books me first, and where you live. So book me first! I also added Austin, TX, Santa Fe, NM, Chicago, IL, that is of course unless someone in San Antonio, Albuquerque, or Cincinnati books me first and changes my route.
There is a method to my madness.
Here’s a map. If where you live is covered in red, I *may* take a route by your house, and therefore you should email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to book an in-home party and/or college workshop before someone else does and takes me on a different direction that day, not by your house. Or if you’re more of a list person, here’s a list with all the possible cities I’ll pass and the dates.
Why should you care?
Because sex ed is important! And fun! And having a sexologist come speak at your school is super cool and having a sexologist come speaking in your living room is even cooler! Plus, it’s super cheap. Everyone I do sex ed with along Sex Ed Road Trip cost shares in the travel expenses, making the cost to bring me out approximately $20-30 per person instead of the $200-$300 per person it might cost to bring me out independently of the speaking tour, where you’d bear the full cost of my airfare/hotel/car rental/speaking fee yourself. Yes, this is SOCIALIZED SEX EDUCATION! Take advantage of it!
Female Orgasm 101 is the most popular pick so far, but for your party, we could also do Fellatio 101, Kama Sutra Positions 101, a fun sex trivia game, or a sex toy demo. For your school, we can do everyone’s fav “Sex: Am I Normal?”. I also have topics ranging from pleasure, slut-shaming, sex education, and safer sex, so let’s do this! Email email@example.com to get the ball rolling!
All events during Sex Ed Road Trip must be finalized by August 12, less than 1 week from today!
I have an update. The man has been charged with Unlawful Sexual Contact in the First Degree, Class D Felony, and Sexual Harassment in the First Degree; Misdemeanor, and this case is going to trial!
Today, my friend has bravely decided to make her story public. She started a blog about her journey and has asked me to share the following:
"I want to reach out to everyone. Shortly after the night of my assault, I wrote a facebook post explaining what I had gone through. The overwhelming amount of support was INCREDIBLE! I was so touched by all of the comments and private messages of love. I am going to ask you all for your support again. As of now, I have a court date set for Tuesday September 23rd in Wilmington, Delaware. The trial will last 2-3 days, is with a grand jury and is open to the public. After much thought, I have decided that I want to invite ANYONE AND EVERYONE to attend. This is going to be a challenging and emotional time for me. I am going to be shaken. I am going to need all of the support I can get, whether it is a simple message or a physical presence. If you’d like to come to see what a grand jury trial is like, feel free! If you’d like to come to hear my story, please do! If you’d like to come to support, it would mean the world to me! I will post more information as I have it available.”
We know that only 8% of rapes are actually prosecuted, so the fact that this assault has gotten this far through the criminal justice system is sadly quite impressive. We also know that for cases that do reach this level, survivors often report that they found the courtroom experience to be humiliating, painful, and just as traumatic, or even more so, than the actual assault. For these reasons, I’m hoping you can support my friend at the open-to-the-public trial with your presence. 200,000 people read my original post about her terrible ordeal at the police station, and so many of you reached out, asking if there is anything you can do to help. This is something you can do to help.
I’m really excited to re-brand the Dr. Jill, Sexologist color scheme. As you can see from this screen shot of my website homepage and my logo, I’m currently using pink and brown.
I like pink and brown, but it’s left over from my Feminique days, when I was trying to create a certain pastel, feminine space and I am not trying to do that anymore.
For the last year 1.5 years, under the Dr. Jill, Sexologist brand, I’ve been trying to do colorful and vibrant. Between the vibrators, sex-positive bumper stickers, and plush sex organs, I have been using vivid shades of blue, green, purple, orange, and pink so that whether it’s a table display or my website, the first thing one notices is that’s it’s colorful and attractive.
But in that 1.5 year period, that’s as far as I got with my re-branding efforts, because when it comes to actually picking colors to brand beyond just “colorful”, I’m stuck. When it comes to my logo, and what colors to make my sex ed party brochures (which are also currently the pink and brown), the hyperlinks on my website, my blog, my table cloth for tabling events, the wall paint and office decor in my new home office, and so on, I can’t narrow it down to a color scheme.
I’m told I can only have two colors, or it’ll be too busy. But which two? Aqua and lime green? Purple and teal? Orange and navy blue? The last few months, as I’ve been trying to make this decision, every time I see a cluster of vibrant colors out in the world, whether it’s plastic cups in a dollar store, beach towels on the boardwalk, or flowers in the market, I take a picture to try to get a sense of what colors I like together. What I learned is that I like all of them.
I finally decided on aqua and lime green, like a beach palette.
That is until I saw hot pink and orange together, like a sunset palette.
But wait, deep purple, aqua, and a hint of pink looks so nice too.
I think I know what I like, until I see a different pair of colors together, and then I like those better. I can’t pick.
Must I have only two? I want all the colors! Check out this person I follow on Instagram for inspiration:
Looking at this Instagram account is what I want the feel to be when coming across my brand. An element of yellow and purple here. An element of magenta and turquoise there, but when you take it all in together, you’d describe it as just…”colorful”. How does one achieve this with a two toned business logo without looking “busy”?
One thing I do know is I want the anchor color (is that a thing? I have no art background, just making stuff up)… to be white, as it currently is on my website. The splashes of color will come in the details, and, the logo. Here are some color combos my graphic designer put together of bright colors for my logo as an example of what could be.
I love these color choices as a bunch, but when it’s just two paired together, it’s missing something for me. I want all the colors! I actually prefer it as it’s presented here, with 8 logos of all different colors Andy Warhol style, rather than picking just one.
I went to the paint store to help me make a decision, and posted here and on facebook seeking your feedback, which I got plenty of, but I came to the same conclusion. Any two of these colors you suggested look good together, and appeal to me, but I still find it lacking. All of them together, that’s what I really like. Even just scrolling up and down this post with all the vibrant images I posted makes me smile.
Today started with my friend peeing herself when we were confronted by a creeper while sunbathing topless. Today ended with being paddled on the ass in front of 300 women by Preston of The Preston and Steve Show after taking a vulva puppet selfie. My life, if nothing else, is entertaining. Good night.
Someone just called me an “over-opinionated” “bitch” and “cunt” and someone who will be “lonely for a long time” after I challenged her assertion that 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t propagate rape culture. That someone could be this upset by being challenged about rape culture, and that very gendered language was used to silence me, and that this came from a woman, is WHY WE NEED FEMINISM. Also, cunt is not an insult. I wish we could all be more vaginal.
Moving and getting rid of sex books and stuff, round 2
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m moving. For many reasons. Because the corner out front of my apartment. Because West Chester. Because it’s dumpy and shabby and the best I could afford when I was 23 and moved in here, but I can do better now. And because my sex education business is too big and my apartment is too small. My apartment is 629 square feet, and things related to my business take up 176 square feet, or over 1/4 of it (I had to calculate this for tax write off purposes). We are swimming in sex toys, sex ed props, and sex books.
This is my living room, piled high with inventory, teaching materials, shipping materials, and office papers.
This is my hallway, boxes of sex books!
And a plush penis.
This is my bedroom, boxes and boxes of sex toys! And plus testicles.
I can not live like this, and I can not work like this. I am so moving!
Round 1 of moving was going through my 10 million sex books and figuring out how to part with most of them. I agonized over this but finally decided to get two small boxes, and put the books I wanted to keep in them. After they were full, no more. The rest would be donated. It was hard and took me 2 months, but I did it. And then I found I’m missing some of my favorites that I knew were going into the keep pile. I lent them out and never got them back. If you borrowed Cunt from me, please return it! (PS: that was an entertaining discovery as I bellowed through the house without context, “I’m missing my Cunt!”
I gave some sex books to my Gram. The rest are being donated to the library, but they don’t take textbooks, so those are are currently being sold on my website for $3 if you’re a sex nerd and want a cheap textbook.
Round 2 of moving is going through inventory I don’t sell anymore. After closing the shop, I significantly downsized my inventory collection to mostly just a handful of products I use to demonstrate at my in-home parties. The leftover stock is now on steep clearance on my website. I have fun t-shirts for sale for $3. Sexy panties $2, lingerie as low as $7. I have a $70 harness selling for $15. Toys for $4, and high-end vibes like LELO and JimmyJane selling for a fraction of their regular price, one originally $115 now $35.
I’m confident it will all be gone by tomorrow, but anything left by morning is getting boxed and sold as a lot to a sex store. And then it will be round 3 of moving and the tale of Dr. Jill gets a new home. To be continued…