I have a college workshop all about how people who are uptight about sex are a minority, but yet have a lot of political power. Whether that’s getting books about sex banned, nude statues covered, sex toy shops run out of town (ahem), or making birth control pills a hot button issue again, their uptight ideals about sexuality have been successful in terms of laws and governance in diminishing other people’s sexual freedom. I’m renaming said workshop. Which do you think best captures the essence while being catchy on a marketing flyer:
I had a goal for this month to be my best yet, and I’m just a little bit short with two days to go. To boost my numbers, I’m offering a huge BOGO sale on my website. Whatever you buy, you’ll get another FREE! Order one Butterfly vibrator, you’ll receive two! Order two bottles of Wet lube, you’ll receive three! Great for stocking up, or giving away as gifts. Spread the word!
I paid more for neglecting a parking ticket than he did for sexually violating a human being
It’s been 10 months since my friend was sexually assaulted, I accompanied her to the police station to report it, and I wrote a narrative about that experience that went viral. Yesterday the assailant was sentenced. This is what happened in between.
I always knew sexual assault is a grotesque act and that it often goes unreported for a host of reasons including being intimidated by uncooperative and victim-blaming police, but seeing it with my own two eyes that day we went to the police station really struck me in a way I’ll never forget. I will never forget the systematic ineptitude, cruelty, and general lack of human empathy that I witnessed from members of the police, medical staff, and almost everyone else we encountered when she shared her story.
But that was only the beginning. In the 10 months since, I learned about another layer of incompetence and cold-heartedness: the justice system.
She dealt with:
Languid, apathetic detectives missing deadlines and losing information.
Driving 2 hours to the police station and 2 hours back multiple times for interviews.
Piles of paperwork and headaches to get reimbursed by the victim’s compensation fund for missed work, therapy, and to replace her brand new jeans that were taken as evidence.
Having to completely cut off contact with her good friend whose house the assault took place in for fear that the defense would accuse them of conspiring to frame the assailant if they talked.
There were so many upsets and setbacks my friend told me about regularly in the past 10 months I frankly can’t even remember them all but through her narrative, the justice system just struck me as… unjust. She had to deal with the assault. She had to deal with the awful police reporting episode. And then she had to deal with one major life inconvenience and aggravation after the next for months and months on end.
When he was finally arrested, he denied the accusations. He was charged with Unlawful Sexual Contact in the First Degree, Class D Felony, and Sexual Harassment in the First Degree; Misdemeanor. He was offered a lesser plea that would still require him to register as a sex offender, something my friend really wanted so he’d be held accountable and have to continue to answer for what he did, but he rejected the offer and the case was planned to go to trial.
Meanwhile, my friend finalized arrangements she made before the assault to move to Spain for a year and lined up a teaching job. She was promised the trial would be scheduled for before she moved abroad in August. It wasn’t, and she was told if she did not attend the trial (meaning leave her new home, take time off of her new job, fly across the Atlantic ocean, pay $1,300 for a flight, have her life evermore inconvenienced), the case would be dismissed. She bought the ticket back to the US.
The trial was to be open to the public and she encouraged people to come, not only to support her, but so folks could see for themselves how the justice system works, or doesn’t work. I pledged my support, of course, to be with her in that courtroom during the trial.
About 14 days before the scheduled trial date, the assailant changed his story. Whereas before he was saying that he did not do the things my friend accused him of, now he was saying that indeed those things did occur, but that she consented.
As a lay person not involved in the criminal justice system in anyway, this is something that never sat well with me. I never understood hearing about murder cases, for example, that would go something like this:
Killer: I did not do it. I’ve never even met that person. I’ve never even been to that house.
State: Well we have your DNA on their body, your fingerprints at the house, video of you with the victim at the house right before they died, and 6 witnesses who saw you kill them.
Killer: In that case, I did do it, but _____ (insert defense) I’m insane/it was self-defense/ it was kinky sex gone wrong/whatever.
OK, if you have an explanation for your behavior, why deny it in the first place? An innocent person would say, yes XYZ happened, but in ABC mitigating situation (it was consensual, etc). But to deny it, and then when it’s clear you’re caught lying come up with a new story = you’re a liar, and nothing you say for the remainder of this case should be trusted.
But that’s not the way the justice system works. How it works is you can be accused of sexual assault, deny it, and then 2 weeks before trial, offer the following defenses, all of which were defenses to be used in this case:
1. My friend didn’t say the word “no”.
Correct, she didn’t. But here’s the problem. No is the default setting. Consent must be affirmative. If I walked into your house and took your laptop, I’m thinking you will probably feel like I STOLE it. I’m thinking the factual statement that you’ve never told me I couldn’t come into your house and take your laptop to mean that you consented to this would not please the court. Have you ever told me I couldn’t take your laptop? Nope. So therefore you consented? No. Unless by “laptop” you mean “body”, and you’re in the US criminal justice system, in which case evidently you can take people’s laptops if they never explicitly told you that you can’t.
Correct, she didn’t say the word “no”. But she did say the following:
Leave me alone
Get the fuck away from me
Get out of my room
Don’t touch me
Apparently that all means “yes”.
2. She showed her friends, and her friend’s friends at the house (of which he was one), photos of nude men on her phone before they went to the bar. This was a signal to him that she was interested in having sex with him.
She has no recollection of showing anyone nude photos of men on her phone.
If she did, this was not a sexual come-on.
If it was a sexual come-on, it could have been a sexual come-on to any one of the people in the room. So any one of the people she supposedly showed the photos to were entitled to touch her? No. This is not enough for consent.
If it was a sexual come-on to him specifically, her saying “get the fuck away from me” and “don’t touch me” was a clear rescindment of that sexual interest. Anyone can rescind a sexual invitation at any time. She did not show nude photos, and if she did they were not a sexual invitation, but if they were, she rescinded that invitation and he violated that either way.
3. When the group was walking down steps in a single file line out of a bar and the assailant assaulted her from behind for the first of several times that night, my friend doesn’t remember who was walking in front of her, only that he was behind her. So she’s lying, according to his defense.
Trivial nonsense. Traumatic experiences are far more memorable than mundane ones, thus who is in line behind you, if the person behind you is assaulting you, will tend to stick out in the mind better than the person in line in front of you, who is, you know, not assaulting you.
4. She was sexually assaulted as a child. She is confused, triggered by that memory, and thought he did something when really it was just a flashback to that incident.
I won’t even dignify that with a response.
5. After the final and most violent of the assaults that night happened back at the house after returning home from the bar, she didn’t leave.
That was HER place to sleep. Why should she have to flee?
She wanted to go to bed. She was scared, overwhelmed, just wanted to sleep.
She lived two hours away. It was the middle of the night. She didn’t think it would keep escalating. She didn’t want to drink and drive. A million reasons. Why is this relevant?
She was pretty outraged when she learned the tactics of the defense. She was outraged that after everything HE did, HER integrity, HER morals, HER decisions would be the ones scrutinized, not his. The prosecutor told her that given these victim-blaming, slut-shaming strategies (and the fact that his wealthy parents secured one of the best defense attorneys in the state), he would probably win with a jury trial. Cases are decided by a jury of our peers and unfortunately for people victimized by sexual violence, our peers were raised in a culture that victim-blames and slut-shames. The prosecutor recommended offering an even lesser charge; Offensive Touching, a class A misdemeanor with no jail time, no sex offender registration, and it’s expunged after 5 years.
She was faced with the prospect of either going to trial, be slut-shamed in front of a courtroom full of people, and have him likely get off scot-free, or accept the plea, avoid the degradation of the trial, and at least have him be held accountable for something even though it’s not everything. She chose the latter on the condition that he would reimburse her for her flight back and that she could read a victim impact statement. The trial hearing turned into a sentencing hearing, and she flew home to the US.
Yesterday, on the morning of the sentencing hearing, I donned my teal CONSENT shirt and prepared for the drive to the courthouse only to find that in my ongoing war with my hometown, my car had been booted. In a panic, I called in a lot of favors, got dropped off halfway there, waited at a gas station for two hours, and found a ride for the rest of the way to the courthouse. I was freaking out that I would miss it when she needed me there but I thankfully made it just in time.
I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to prepare that victim impact speech. I get knots in my stomach thinking about how it would feel to stand up there and address the court about such a violation and disruption of your body and life. I can’t describe it. It was so real, and honest, and raw. Her words were powerful, but her delivery was just so incredibly moving. I don’t know how a human being could listen to her speak and not be touched. People in the courtroom on other business were visibly shaken and moved to tears. I am so proud of her courage.
His attorney spoke next, and asked the judge for a lenient sentence, saying alcohol was to blame for his behavior. The assailant spoke last, and said he was seeking treatment for alcohol abuse, apologized to my friend, and said he understands the gravity and seriousness of what he did. He went from uninvolved, to involved but welcomed, to wrong and remorseful at the most opportune times for his own well-being. Ugh.
In the end, the judge sentenced him to a $100 fine, Level II zero- tolerance probation, plus the money for the flight that was previously agreed upon. Level II probation essentially means he has to check in with a probation officer. If he does something wrong, like get a DUI, he can go to jail for 30 days. He also is supposed to continue seeking treatment for alcohol abuse. Both are for no set period of time, so until the probation officer decides is good enough.
My friend was not particularly happy with the outcome. She found the alcohol abuse excuse to be phony, making himself the victim, and avoiding responsibility and was not impressed with how he had no real consequences. His employer already knows about all this (and continue to employ him anyway) so his professional life won’t be affected. His record will be expunged. He’s fined a whopping 100 bucks. It’s a joke. But she’s glad it’s over and glad she got to speak her truth.
At first, I was happy with the outcome. I know that only 40% of assaults are reported. And of those, few lead to arrests. And of arrests, even fewer lead to prosecutions. And of prosecutions, next to none lead to convictions. Sad to say that even with all the massive failures from top to bottom, beginning to end, this case was more successful than 93% of sexual assault cases. Because of all the flaws and failures in the system, it would not have reached this level without her tenacity, bravery, and relentless self advocacy .
After the sentencing I went right to a different courthouse; the one back in West Chester to get the boot off my car. I had to pay a several hundred dollar fine yesterday in cash on the spot, plus a $100 fine to get the boot off, and then had to set up a $50 a month payment plan for the next 9 months for the remaining fines. It hit me in the two back-to-back courthouse experiences that I paid significantly more for running out a meter and neglecting the subsequent parking tickets than he did for sexually violating another human being. There is no justice.
PS: This guy does some kind of physical therapy work. He literally touches people for a living, and his employer didn’t find it problematic that he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor Offensive Touching? I wish I knew who is employer is.
Last December I wrote a post about accompanying someone to the police station to report a sexual assault and running into a host of insensitivity, victim blaming, and incompetence on multiple levels. In August I wrote the man was charged with felony Unlawful Sexual Contact.
I have another update.
The assailant plead guilty to a lesser charge (Offensive Touching, a misdemeanor) and will be in court tomorrow for sentencing. My friend will be reading a victim impact statement and is asking for as many people as possible to show up to the public hearing, and wear teal, in public support of her. I will be there tomorrow at 9:30am at the New Castle County Courthouse (500 North King Street, Wilmington, DE). I want to see a sea of teal, and a tough and fair sentence tomorrow. I know it’s a work day, but if you’re available, I hope you’ll be there!
I get a lot of emails from folks who sell sex toys and do sales presentations on sex toys and want to know what certification they can get to be *seen as* more knowledgeable and credible. I seldom get emails asking how they can actually *be* more knowledgeable and credible. This kinda irks me.
I have an amazing and intensive boot camp training for sex toy consultants. They won’t get any letters behind their name for enrolling in the course, but they will be better sexuality, pleasure, and sex toy educators when I’m done with them. The interest in that program has been miniscule and they scoff at it. I wish they were as interested in actually being trained sex educators as they are about being seen as trained sexuality educators.
A sexologist's two cents on the TMZ photos of Daniele Watts
A. If you think those photos show people fucking, you have a very active imagination. I see a fully clothed person sitting in a car…
B. Let’s say for the sake of argument, they are fucking. And? I have summoned police dozens of times in my life. They were all because of violence and destruction: drunk drivers, horrible car accidents where people were injured, a man dragging a woman down the street in a headlock while punching her in the face, beatings so violent I could hear the sound of knuckles on cheek bone from inside my house 30 yards away.
If I saw a fully clothed couple sitting in a car together and suspected they might be getting a little frisky, I would smile that for once I witnessed a public display of love instead of a public display of violence, and go on my merry way. Call the police? Absolutely not. What John Lennon said:
Let’s tell the truth. This incident occurred at the intersection of racism, sexism, and good old fashioned American prudery and erotophobia.
Sometimes vaginas are kind enough to help deliver babies
Only in a patriarchy can birthing a human being out of your body and into existence, an intrinsically vagina-centric phenomenon, be credited to the person with a penis first, and credited to the person with a vagina who, you know, actually gave birth, as a secondary actor and afterthought.
While driving through rural Pennsylvania I just heard a radio DJ say “The father-to-be delivered the baby… with help from mom”.
In other news, when someone serves you a plate of food, and you chew and swallow it, they actually ate it. But hey, you helped! If someone kindly hands you a wad of toilet paper under the stall door, they’re really the ones who took the shit. But your colon was a great helper! Thanks!
My west coast sex ed speaking tour will be April 6-17, 2015 with stops in San Diego, Irvine, LA, Sacramento, Eugene, Portland, Vancouver, Olympia, Seattle, and other towns along I-5. If you attend a college in any of these areas, email firstname.lastname@example.org to get the ball rolling on setting up a speaking engagement on campus!
Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.
Just yesterday I was responding to speaking requests from colleges and universities. It struck me that again and again, the requests were for “The Female Orgasm”, a program on the right to seek sexual pleasure, “Sex: Am I Normal?”, a program that advocates for showing compassion and refraining from judgement about the sexual diversity that exists among humans, and “Virgins and Sluts”, a program on why attempts to control free expression of sexuality is damaging.
What I have not gotten a request for is “Safer and Sexy”, my safe sex/condoms/STI workshop. 5 years ago, 90% of my speaking requests at colleges were for workshops on sexuality as a health hazard. Now 90% of the requests are for workshops on sexuality as a social justice issue; the right to pursue pleasure, the right to exist without sexual violence, the right to not face discrimination and cruelty because of your sexuality.
Growing up, sexuality, if ever discussed (in school, by politicians, on the news, etc) was always discussed from a one-dimensional deficit model; sexuality is a problem (it can kill you!), and sex ed aims to give you some tools to not die. Starting out as a young sexologist, I promoted a new paradigm for sexuality education; sex should be fun, pleasure is good for you, free expression of one’s sexuality is a vital part of being human, and everyone has the right to enjoy their sexuality without fear of violence.
My idea was that preventing disease was about 1% of what it meant to me to be a sexual person, but the rest got ignored with the deficit model of sex education. Sexuality is a complex interaction of the body, mind, and social domains that change and evolve throughout the life cycle. It’s not all bad; some of the best physical joys the body can experience and emotional highs are related to sex. It’s not all good either; there has been so much suffering and exploitation tied in with sexuality. It’s just… human, and I believe should be acknowledged and celebrated as such.
The fact that there is now such a thing as World Sexual Health Day, and that it acknowledges “sexual health” as so much deeper than just disease prevention, and the fact that I’m getting asked to speak on sexual pleasure and justice instead of gonorrhea, leaves me optimistic that that paradigm shift from sex education = disease prevention education to sex education = social justice education is actually happening. It’s not happening on its own, of course. A lot of people worked really hard for a really hard time for these changes to begin to be felt. But it’s happening, and that is something to celebrate on World Sexual Health Day.
Today is the last day to book me during my Sex Ed Road Trip. Spots available for private in-home parties like Fellatio 101, Female Orgasm 101, and Sex Toys 101. Also spots available for college workshops on slut-shaming, sexual diversity, sexual health, and many more! Email email@example.com to book your party, or get the ball rolling on how to bring me to your campus. I’ll be through several cities in Tennessee, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, and New York. Email me and we can talk about what dates I’ll be in your area.
I’m already planning my route for my next speaking tour in February. It will be mostly west coast, so NY, OH, MO TN, and TX folks, this might be your last chance to do sex ed with me at the highly discounted road trip rate for a year or more, so don’t wait!
Today is my 29th birthday. I feel good. I look good. I can’t complain. For decades when my mom was in her 30s, 40s, and now 50s, she would always joke on her birthday that she’s “turning 29 again”. As a kid and teen, that sounded “old” and I didn’t understand why she would long for 29 when there were, I believed at the time, more desirable ages like 16 (you can drive!) and 21 (you can drink!). Now I appreciate how perfect 29 is. I’m still youthful. Hell, I’m still in my 20s, but I have my shit together in a way I never did until now. I’m in a good place in my career, financially, with friendships and my love life. I have the disposable income and life situation such that I can do much of what I desire and dream of doing, and still the energy to go do it. I have high hopes for 29!
For the last few birthdays, I’ve been sharing with you a list of 10 goals for the upcoming year, and checking my progress from the previous years goals. Let’s see how I did:
1. Check off 5 new states in my long term goal of teaching a sex class in all 50 states. But this time, cross off some tougher states like Texas, Louisiana, or Mississippi.
Nope. I did do sex ed in South Carolina, and the speaking tour I’m embarking on next week will have me doing sex classes in Louisiana, Texas, and Oklahoma, so those are some “tougher” states checked off, but honestly, hitting all 50 states isn’t a huge major goal of mine anymore. Sure, it’ll be cool when it happens, but it feel less important than it used to. Funny how life goals change like that.
2. Move out of Pennsylvania. Preferably to somewhere 1. warmer, and 2. less actively hostile to my feminist sex-positive mission, than my current residence in PA.
No, and frankly I’m pretty unhappy about this. I thought I’d be long gone by now, but I have learned that uprooting your life takes more time than previously thought.
3. Do better at not letting my anger at the sexual injustice that exists in the world impact my quality of life and interpersonal relationships.
I give myself an A for effort, and a C+ for achievement. I’ve been seeing a therapist about this weekly for 6 months, dabbling in mindfulness meditation, and trying to distance myself from particularly triggering social media posts so that I can be better at not letting my anger at sexual injustice impact my ability to enjoy life.
4. Go out dancing more.
5. Get a little part time side job that will allow me to use my expertise in ways I can’t being self-employed, such as an adjunct human sexuality or gender studies professor, or a community educator for a sexual assault prevention organization.
I did get hired to teach a 200 level psych course on human sexuality as an adjunct, and then it got cancelled due to low enrollment. And then I forgot about this goal because I spent too much time trying to improve my business. Another goal that lost it’s luster over the year.
6. Visit Asia. Or Australia. Or both.
Another no. I was supposed to visit Asia but those plans turned into an epic disaster. I never wrote about it. Perhaps I should fill you in.
8. Do an in-home party (preferably my Female Orgasm party, but who am I to be picky?) for a celebrity and her friends.
No. Still don’t know any celebrities.
9. Not have a national controversy occur.
Bingo! I think I actually made it 12 months without a national controversy, although there was a ton of local media attention when I closed my shop in November.
10. Do what I love, and feel fulfilled and rewarded.
YES! Closing the shop was bittersweet, but the necessary task to succeed at #10; doing what I love everyday and feeling rewarded and appreciated in that work.
So I’m at 30% rate here, but what’s interesting is how many of these goals I didn’t succeed at because I no longer have that aspiration. Also interesting is that going back several years, I found I succeeded at goals I initially failed at. When I turned 26 I set a goal to “become closer to my sister”. On my 27th birthday I looked back at that goal and determined we weren’t measurably “closer”. But this year, as she goes through her pregnancy and I get to be an aunt to her child, we’re the closest we’ve ever been. On my 27th birthday one of my goals was “have my own sex toy line”. On my 28th birthday last year, I said “nope, and I still have no idea how to make this happen.” This year, it happened! So it’s just a reminder that success isn’t about a series of fulfilling goals. It’s about believing in yourself and understanding the core essence of your dreams, while allowing the road there to stagger, change, and even go backwards sometimes.
Here are 10 personal and professional goals I have for this year. Next year when I turn 30, we’ll look back and see how I did.
1. Be a millionaire. Let’s get the big one out of the way first. I have never been money hungry at all, but I always thought it would be cool to be a millionaire by 30. Now that I’m creeping up on 30 I figure maybe I can really push my speaking career, potential TV show career, sex toy line career, or something I haven’t thought of yet, to have $1,000,000 net worth within the next 365 days.
2. Write at least 25,000 words of my next book. Haven’t decided if I want to write one on orgasm or rape culture first, but one of those.
3. Live in California.
4. Own a house. Hopefully one with a yard so I can host the first of what I plan to be an annual watermelon festival in my backyard with friends and family.
5. Have my Hysteria sex toy line fully launched and travel the country training sales people on sexual anatomy and how to properly inform their customers about how to use my vibrators.
6. Teach sex ed to 5,000 people, live in person.
7. Watch my nibling be born and be an awesome aunt to this little person coming into the world soon.
8. Go to at least 2 workshops or presentations given by other sexuality experts for professional development.
I’m a better sexologist than I am speaking tour planner, but for a non-famous person, and without the help of an agent or some other professional skilled at these things, I’m pretty happy with how my Sex Ed Road Trip is shaping up.
That said, there are still some huge gaps I’d really like to have filled, so I arranged the schedule around a bit. In between Philadelphia and my Female Orgasm 101 party in New Orleans, I’m wide open. So I could take a southern route and hit Charlotte, Raleigh, and Atlanta, or go west, and pass Nashville, TN, and Jackson, MI. I have multiple route options depending on who books me first, and where you live. So book me first! I also added Austin, TX, Santa Fe, NM, Chicago, IL, that is of course unless someone in San Antonio, Albuquerque, or Cincinnati books me first and changes my route.
There is a method to my madness.
Here’s a map. If where you live is covered in red, I *may* take a route by your house, and therefore you should email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to book an in-home party and/or college workshop before someone else does and takes me on a different direction that day, not by your house. Or if you’re more of a list person, here’s a list with all the possible cities I’ll pass and the dates.
Why should you care?
Because sex ed is important! And fun! And having a sexologist come speak at your school is super cool and having a sexologist come speaking in your living room is even cooler! Plus, it’s super cheap. Everyone I do sex ed with along Sex Ed Road Trip cost shares in the travel expenses, making the cost to bring me out approximately $20-30 per person instead of the $200-$300 per person it might cost to bring me out independently of the speaking tour, where you’d bear the full cost of my airfare/hotel/car rental/speaking fee yourself. Yes, this is SOCIALIZED SEX EDUCATION! Take advantage of it!
Female Orgasm 101 is the most popular pick so far, but for your party, we could also do Fellatio 101, Kama Sutra Positions 101, a fun sex trivia game, or a sex toy demo. For your school, we can do everyone’s fav “Sex: Am I Normal?”. I also have topics ranging from pleasure, slut-shaming, sex education, and safer sex, so let’s do this! Email email@example.com to get the ball rolling!
All events during Sex Ed Road Trip must be finalized by August 12, less than 1 week from today!
I have an update. The man has been charged with Unlawful Sexual Contact in the First Degree, Class D Felony, and Sexual Harassment in the First Degree; Misdemeanor, and this case is going to trial!
Today, my friend has bravely decided to make her story public. She started a blog about her journey and has asked me to share the following:
"I want to reach out to everyone. Shortly after the night of my assault, I wrote a facebook post explaining what I had gone through. The overwhelming amount of support was INCREDIBLE! I was so touched by all of the comments and private messages of love. I am going to ask you all for your support again. As of now, I have a court date set for Tuesday September 23rd in Wilmington, Delaware. The trial will last 2-3 days, is with a grand jury and is open to the public. After much thought, I have decided that I want to invite ANYONE AND EVERYONE to attend. This is going to be a challenging and emotional time for me. I am going to be shaken. I am going to need all of the support I can get, whether it is a simple message or a physical presence. If you’d like to come to see what a grand jury trial is like, feel free! If you’d like to come to hear my story, please do! If you’d like to come to support, it would mean the world to me! I will post more information as I have it available.”
We know that only 8% of rapes are actually prosecuted, so the fact that this assault has gotten this far through the criminal justice system is sadly quite impressive. We also know that for cases that do reach this level, survivors often report that they found the courtroom experience to be humiliating, painful, and just as traumatic, or even more so, than the actual assault. For these reasons, I’m hoping you can support my friend at the open-to-the-public trial with your presence. 200,000 people read my original post about her terrible ordeal at the police station, and so many of you reached out, asking if there is anything you can do to help. This is something you can do to help.