Sexoholic Mode

I haven’t written in so long because I am in the midst of a HUGE bout of sexoholia. For those who are new here, let me explain. I sometimes get into what I call “sexoholic modes” where I have 10 million ideas and ambitions about how to take over the world with sex-positivism. I get sex business ideas. New sex product ideas. New sex book ideas. It’s being a sexologist on steroids, and I frankly feel bad for anyone who comes across me, because I ramble on and on about all my new plans. My ideas don’t always pan out (for example in past sexoholic modes, I came up with the idea of turning this blog into a one-woman play, and starting a sexuality minor program at my local university), but sometimes they do! This bout has been particularly… extensive.

It started because business has plateaued. I won’t say it’s slow- it is and has always been profiting, but it’s just kind of leveled off. However I do not panic. I instead kick into sexoholic mode, and now I have 10 million new ideas for how to jump start sales, bookings, and publicity. I will warn you this list is boring, and more for the purpose of helping me keep them straight than to be interesting.

Shop related changes and ideas:

1. Changing the outside image of Feminique. This includes no more sex fact of the day on the sidewalk sign. Yes, it’s tragic, but sex facts apparently intimidate people. I’ve been looking at the numbers, and things started changing as soon as I started putting the sex fact out. People do enjoy it, read it, laugh, learn, walk out of their way to read it every day, etc., but those people aren’t buying shit, and the people who do buy shit are too nervous to walk into a store with a sign about pubic hair or how many minutes a pig orgasm lasts. So no more sex fact. Also, I’m getting a new business sign. No more generic pink and brown “Feminique Boutique”. I am hanging a sign with my heart crotch logo on it, if the borough of West Chester will let me. (PS: The borough meeting in which I will plead my case for the sign change will be an upcoming episode of my show). On the inside I’m working on new lighting, especially for my antique vibrator museum.
2. Changing my image. Ok, not really changing it, just sprucing it up. I decided I’m going to go to work business casual from now on. The hippie in me hates limiting free dress expression for my employees and myself, but sadly, no more hot pants L
3. Changing Feminique hours. I’m having BFF George, who also happens to be a statistician, look at every sale that took place during every hour of the past year, and re-organize my hours of operation to maximize shopping and spending trends.
4. Changing Feminique inventory. Not total overhaul, but a big one. So far I’ve already added new book titles, and rearranged/scrapped/added new front room inventory. Within the next few weeks I’ll also be adding new t-shirt slogans (I haven’t done that in a couple years), changing t-shirt styles the slogans are printed on, completely overhauling the lingerie and shoe selection, and adding a few more sex toys. I’ll be moving the sex facts indoors, around the shelves with the products.
5. Changing the Feminique website. This I’ve already started, and it’s a massive undertaking. New photos, new layout.

Party and workshop related changes and ideas:

6. Changing my speaking fees. This one I’ve been stewing over for months. People yell at me all the time, that with my credentials (have I mentioned that if all goes as planned, in 112 days I’ll be a doctor, and the only person in the world with a bachelor’s, master’s, and doctorate in sexuality?) and with my experience (doing over 150 speaking engagements a year) I absolutely, no questions asked, need to be charging more. I finally agreed to at least consider it, and I’ve done HOURS of research and determined that to be at the low end of what speakers typically charge, I need to be charging at least 8x more for my college work, and at least 2x more for my private parties. I will be raising my rates, but probably not by that much, at least at first. It’s the curse of loving your job- I want to educate, I enjoy it, and I don’t want someone’s tight budget to be a reason I don’t get to talk about sex with them for one evening. That being said, I do need to wise up about this issue from the business perspective. Some of you may not cheer me on with this one, because if you’re reading this you’re probably a client or potential client and of course would want it for cheaper, but I can no longer do in-home parties knowing that every other type of in-home party entertainer, like animal-balloon making clowns for children’s parties, are making twice as much. If Cher impersonators and magicians are worth it, than so am I. I’m still debating if I want to up my per person rates, or charge a flat rate, and parties can invite as many guests as they want, lowering the per person fee if they invite a lot of friends. Thoughts?
7. Even with the fee increase, there will still be opportunities for people without the budget to bring me in for a party or college presentation to do so at a discount, in conjunction with certain promotions that I will be running. Figuring out these promotions is a part of my sexoholia.. One of them, a big one I might add, is this summer. I’m offering in-home parties at cost for people who live in a state I have not checked off my list yet. My goal is to teach in all 50 states, and if you live in one I haven’t taught yet, I can do it this summer for just the cost of travel/airfare. Other discount opportunities relate back to #5 on this list, sprucing up the website. I still have many in-home parties to be filmed for my website, so if you’d like to have a party and are willing to have it be filmed, I can do it at a big ol’ discount!
8. New party topics and giving old party topics new titles to change it up a bit. Any ideas for a college workshop or party topic you’d like to see me offer?
9. I’m thinking…. MAYBE thinking about POSSIBLY having consultants do in-home sex toy parties for me. I’ve done it in the past (really REALLY long time ago). There are pros and cons. Pros- good money, helps with brand recognition as more people learn about what it is I do. Cons- All the problems I’ve had in the past- sales consultants stealing my business model and offering my fellatio and other classes, consultants not fulfilling their order and then having their angry customers contacting me. Still  a LOT to think about, but if I decide to do it, that will be a ridiculously time consuming bout of sexoholia.

Writing related changes and ideas:

10. Working on getting a syndicated sex column.
11. As I mentioned, I’m also working on writing some books: My handbooks to go along with my different speaking topics (orgasm, fellatio, etc), The People You Meet in a Sex Shop, and my feminist erotic novel. That’ll be a long process, but in sexoholic mode, I’m a writing machine!
12. Writing a dissertation. DBD. Ha! I’m doing a qualitative document analysis study looking at community responses in the comment section of online news article about sex shop zoning controversies. It’s been interesting…
13. Working on getting my book into book ciricles/book clubs.

Miscellaneous changes and ideas:

14. I’m brainstorming new advertising strategies. Ideas?
15. I am hiring a publicist to publicize my doctorate completion, as well some other PR ideas I can’t share yet ;)
16. Designing my own line of sex toys. I have SO many ideas, just need a manufacturer to back me.
17. Working with local hospital gyn to do workshops and support groups. Setting that up is a project.
18. Plotting and planning and planning and plotting season two of my reality show, and all the work associated with that.

So in conclusion, I’m insane. Any one of these 18 items is enough for one person for one summer- writing a dissertation, writing a book, designing a workshop, having a business inventory makeover, etc. But all 18. At the same time? This is me being a sexoholic. This is how my brain works. So in the areas I’ve asked for feedback (in-home party per person vs flat fees, if I should have consultants, new advertising strategies, etc) I welcome your thoughts! Otherwise, I’m sorry for boring you, (if you’ve even read this far), I just needed to set my summer goals straight. And I hope you all enjoy the new changes!

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

jill@thesexologist.org

www.thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique (if you like the blog, you’ll love the facebook. Go ahead and add me!)

Little Black Heart: Review

This month my product to try was a little vibrator that looks like a heart, appropriately called “Little Black Heart”. It is in the “Sex, Toys, and Rock ‘n Roll” line, promoted by rock star/Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew star, Phil Varone (who incidentally I’m friends with on facebook… nice guy).

It’s a tiny little bullet vibe set in a heart shaped piece of rubber, with nubbies facing the clitoris, and straps for your waist and thighs so that it holds the vibrator in place- hands free! I always thought the idea of this toy design was magnificent, but they never worked out for me, which is why I don’t sell them at Feminique. For one, they tend to not align to the clitoris properly, the straps are cheap and break, and/or the vibrator is a dinky cell battery opereated thing.

I’m happy to say that “Little Black Heart”, while not perfect, is moving in the right direction of where this type of toy should be. First, the straps are a very solid cloth elastic material, like a hair tie, not cheap plastic, so I found it to be comfortable. The vibrator had better clitoral alignment (though still could be better), and the motor was whisper quiet. As a bonus, it looks kind of sexy. Sometimes they can look a little goofy strapped on to your clit, but Ryan Tyler thought it looked hot, like a sexy pair of crotchless panties that happen to vibrate. And despite the fact that the toy does take those irritating cell batteries (really, there has to be a better way to power small toys than with those pain in the ass cell batteries) it was a better level of vibration than I thought.

And a final thought- I REALLY need my own line of sex toys! If Phil can have one, than so should I! I have a marketable brand, plus, with my expert understanding of sexual anatomy and response, vibration frequency, the importance of small details like battery and clitoral alignment that manufacturers often overlook, and appealing packaging, I could design some unbelievable products! Don’t you agree?

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

www.thesexologist.org

jill@thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique (go ahead and add me- I welcome new friends!)

Legal Stuff:

Disclosure. I received the above product free from the manufacturer. My review of the product is based on my own personal opinion. I recommend and endorse products based on what I believe is best for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission guidelines, CFR, Part 255

Elles (the film)- Review

Being a sexologist has its perks. Actually, its 95% perks, and one of those perks is when folks in various sexuality related industries offer me free stuff in exchange for my expert opinion. This weekend, I was invited to see the French film “Elles”, directed by Małgorzata Szumowska and starring Juliette Binoche, which premiered a few month ago at the Toronto International Film Festival.

I knew nothing about it going in, except that it was playing at the Ritz on 4^th and Chestnut in Philadelphia, and the Ritz is a theater that plays all the sexy and scandalous films “family” theatres like AMC won’t show. I went there in 2003 to see Bowling for Columbine, and in 2004 to see Kinsey, so I had high hopes for Elles- if it gets an NC 17 rating and the mainline theatres don’t want me to see it, then there must be something good about it! Ryan Tyler and I headed downtown.

Elles follows a well-off married mother of two, who is a journalist and working on a story about students who pay their way through school with prostitution. She uses aggressive techniques to get two women to agree to be interviewed, and makes assumptions that the women will tell stories of their prostituting experiences that are sad, exploitative, and dark. Instead, she learns that the women largely view their jobs as empowering and fun. She befriends them and sets on track to her own sexual empowerment.

She has a weird thing going on with her husband. They are angry at each other, and her teenage son confronts her about their bad marriage every other second. The two women she interviews, and eventually befriends, tell her repeatedly that the men who pay them for sex and companionship are not scumbags, but rather regular men, married men, who are sexually unsatisfied. In the end, I suppose in an attempt to make her marriage happy, she tries to give her husband a blowjob, but he rebuffs her advances.

The film has a sex-positive twist- the matronly character is unhappy and her socially acceptable, even enviable lifestyle is failing her, and the whore characters are free, liberated, and happy. Although in the end, no one seems to be. There are also some hot sex scenes, some realistic sex scenes (realistic as in average bodied people having average sex, not perfect porn stars) and some sex scenes that are of interest to me as a sexologist, because it is out of the mainstream, for example the golden showers scene. One thing I could have really done without, however, is the graphic anal rape about ¾ of the way through the film, that came out of nowhere and was not discussed or deconstructed after. It sent me into a panic, rushing out of the theater. But other than that, not a bad film.

http://elles-movie.com/

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

Jill@thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique

www.thesexologist.org

50 Shades of Sh*t

It took me 3 ½ years to write my first book (which you can purchase here), called “Fighting the Crusade Against Sex: Being Sex- Positive in a Sex-Negative World”.

Now that it’s been out, I’m bored. I have had a number of other writing projects in my head, and now I’m putting pedal to the metal and I can not wait to get them out there! Its funny- I have all the books I’m writing in different word documents and open on my computer at the same time, and I just keep switching, writing a paragraph of one, switching to the next and writing a paragraph there, and so on. My mind works in odd ways.

So this summer will be the summer of two things:

1. Vacationing
2. Writing About Sex

Here are my different sex writing projects for the summer:

1. I dumped the 99 Days of Shopping Women Owned project. Two reasons for this. First, I did it for 30 days, which was MORE than enough material for a book, and second, I got a better, more urgent idea (see below). But I do think a book about my experience of shopping at only women owned businesses is good stuff, so I’ll figure out something else to do with it. But in the meantime…
2. Feminist erotica. Yes. Written porn for women. I never had any desire to write erotic novels, but I am SO. FUCKING. SICK of hearing about 50 Shades of Shit, also known as 50 Shades of Grey, that I decided I’m going to do it better. As I told Entertainment Weekly, which they quoted me saying in their article about the trilogy, “”He tells her when to eat, he stalks her and goes into jealous rages every time she’s talking to her male friends. I’m like, that has nothing to do with BDSM. That’s just a good old-fashioned abusive, controlling boyfriend.” The book glorifies violence against women and calls it “BDSM”, and millions of women across the country just think it’s oh so hot as they masturbate to the main character controlling his girlfriend’s life and body, without her consent.

Frankly, it sickens me. If women are so hungry for written porn that they can download discreetly and read on their little Kindles, so be it. I will write a steaming hot sex novel the likes of which you have never seen, and it will have strong, independent, female characters who don’t take any bullshit, and I will sell it for 99 cents on Amazon so it gets downloaded a million times.

The downside, of course, is that I suck at fiction. Whenever I have tried to write fiction, the characters end up looking a lot like me and the people in my life. So I thought I would make the character a sexologist, so that I can 1. write what I know 2. have a plot device within the book to explicitly confront shitty books like 50 Shades of Grey 3. Who doesn’t think sexologist sex is hot?

But while the main character will be a sexologist, it will NOT be about me! This is because if it was, it would take me 9 years to write it. In my first book, I wrote a one paragraph PG 13 “sex scene” where I describe making out, dry humping, and being sexually aroused for the first time, and it took me 3 MONTHS to write it. For one paragraph. Because I’ m a prude and it was about my sex life and I kept thinking “oh my god, my mom is going to read this”. But if it’s about a pretend sexologist’s sex life, no problem!

3. My workbooks. I’m working on writing small little workbooks for attendees of my in-home parties and college sexuality workshops, so they can journal and continue to think about the subjects we talked about.
4. One book I’m writing that I’m really excited about is “The People You Meet in a Sex Shop”. I think every 5 years I’ll write a book about the experiences I’ve had as a sexologist, and while Feminique just had her 4^th birthday, I have been doing this work for almost 5 years because I did sex education workshops out of my home for almost a year before I opened shop. I have tons of material to write about from the first 5 years.
5. I’m working on getting a nationally syndicated sex column.
6. And last, but not least, a dissertation. You know, no biggie. If I get my head out of the clouds and bang it out, I can have it finished and be a doctor by the end of the summer. I’ve had this dissertation in my head, like most of the writing projects, forever, so it’s just a matter of doing the research and putting pen to paper.

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

jill@thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique (add me- my page is ridiculously fun!)

www.thesexologist.org

Episode 3 of My Reality Show!

To view episode 3 of my show, A Day in the Life of a Sexologist, click here or the photo above, which is a still from the episode.

Episode 3 features me fundraising for the Vagina Monologues at UPenn, and then reflecting on the time I acted in the play, moaning and faking orgasm. Despite my career choice, this still embarrasses me! The second segment is about my trip to the Dominican Republic, doing outreach work with at-risk young girls. This part took more rounds of post-production editing than usual to ensure we depicted the serious encounter with the utmost respect.

New episodes are released on the 1st and 15th of every month! Check back to my website www.thesexologist.org to watch new releases!

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

jill@thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique (my facebook is a happening place- join the fun and add me)

www.thesexologist.org

What A Real Man Looks Like

In our 4 years and 2 days together, I have never been more proud of Ryan Tyler, who reminds me everyday what true masculinity is.

Let me tell you about my weekend, and you’ll understand why:

On Friday, we celebrated our anniversary. I was thinking the whole time how much I LOVE him and that I feel so fortunate to have been able to enjoy four years with him in my life. We laugh ALL the time. I’ve never laughed so much as when we are together. I don’t even know what we talk about that is so funny, but we laugh constantly.

On Saturday, I celebrated Feminique’s 4^th birthday (yes, Ryan Tyler and I started dating the same weekend that I opened the shop 4 years ago, so every year I celebrate both occasions in the same weekend). I was totally stressing out, as I do, getting the big party planned. I had a workshop planned and the technology wasn’t working right, which caused me to become even more stressed out. He spent the whole afternoon driving to different electronic stores trying to find me the right cords needed to make my slide presentation happen. He spent his own money. So sweet and kind!

On Sunday, yesterday, it was my first day off in 27 straight days. Many of those 27 straight days were long work days- some 12, 13, 14 hours long. I was exhausted to say the least, so we decided that Sunday would be nothing but cuddling and movie watching. At bedtime, he was cleaning the dishes while I was waiting for him to come back and start another movie that we could fall asleep to. It was about 11:30pm. I came to the kitchen and said, “ready to come cuddle?” And he said, “Yep, give me 2 minutes”. Just then, we heard yelling out the window. We hear yelling all the time. There are 6 bars within one block of my front door, so at all hours of the night, every night of the week, we hear drunk people singing, and yelling, and puking, and fighting. We both go to the window, where I saw a man and two women tussling. One woman was yelling something to the effect of “I told you to leave me alone”, “I told you to get away from me”, “You just hit my friend!”

I said, “That’s it. I’m calling the police”. I’m very mama bear like when it comes to women. I get extremely protective, so hearing her vocally say on no uncertain terms “I told you to leave me alone” was all I needed to hear to be on the phone with 911 is 2 seconds flat. Ryan Tyler said “I’m going down there” and he bolted out the door. While on the phone with the 911 dispatcher, I watched out the window as my neighbor, a tiny 5 foot nothing woman, ran down the street to break it up, standing between the man and the woman he was assaulting. I was so scared about that she was going to get hurt too, so I started filming it in case something worse happened and to make sure it was documented.

At this point I see Ryan Tyler from out of my window, telling everyone that police are on their way and to settle down. I only was able to film about two seconds worth because at that moment, one of the girls starts screaming at the top of her lungs “OH MY GOD!” and Ryan Tyler starts running down the street at full sprint. I’m freaking out about what is happening. I’m afraid maybe this guy has a gun or knife or something and that Ryan Tyler’s going to get hurt and/or the girls are going to get hurt even more so I run outside to see if I can help before the police arrive.

As I run out the door two cop cars pull by, and I tell them that the assault has now moved down the street from the location I originally called it in at. They arrest the man, who had blood dripping down his face. The police attempt to put him in the car, but he actually fights with them, kicking the officers and resists arrest.

I learned that the story was that he was an ex-boyfriend of one of the girls, and he had her pinned against the building trying to forcibly kiss her and grab her, and she fought him off. He then punched her and her friend. This was what I originally heard from my window. What I didn’t see/hear was that he had her in a headlock and was closed fist punching her. That’s why Ryan Tyler ran and the friend screamed “Oh my God”. Ryan pushed the guy away, and the guy took a swing at Ryan but he ducked. Then Ryan punched him, knocking him out cold! On the fall down from the punch, which actually knocked the guy out of his sneakers, he hit his head on a brick wall.

Two officers drive the man, finally subdued, to the station while the other two interviewed everyone. The girls were SO upset, understandably. The one girl refused to offer information because she said she didn’t want to ruin his life and have him be charged with a felony so that he could get never get a job again. We all (the two officers, my neighbor, Ryan, her friend, and I) tried to convince her he ruined his own life, and that he was going to be arrested on a felony charge for assaulting a police officer, with or without her pressing charges. She kept saying it was her fault. I repeatedly told her it was 0% her fault, and she didn’t deserve this. She kept apologizing to me, that I ran out of the house with no shoes on and was now standing there shivering (half from the cold, have from my adrenalin). I said, “stop apologizing, you’d have done the same for me”. She kept apologizing anyway.

To me, it’s just something you do. You call 911. You jump in. You come out to make sure everyone is ok. You physically intervene if you have to, as Ryan Tyler and my brave little neighbor did. I didn’t think about it, although if I did, that would have been my rational- if a man had me in a headlock and was punching me, and someone heard me in distress, I would want them to come running to help. But it absolutely KILLS me that two men- two big grown men no less, were there before Ryan Tyler got there and had to physically bring the guy down, but they stood there and did nothing. Stood and watched while a woman was being led down the street in a headlock while being punched in the face.

In the end, there were positives. Those two women are safe. Ryan Tyler is safe. That douche is in jail. But I am left extremely upset, trying to make sense out of all the negatives. Such as:

1. Why does this have to happen in the first place? Whose son is this? Who is raising men to treat women this way? It makes me so angry!
2. What would have happened if Ryan Tyler didn’t intervene? I don’t even want to think about it.
3. Why did those two other men just stand there? How can we better engage bystanders to feel the sense of urgency to step in?
4. How do you end the cycle of abuse? I know in theory, from text books, but to see it in front of my face while I stood barefoot on the street corner at midnight on a Sunday was a very different experience. She wouldn’t believe me that this wasn’t her fault. She kept apologizing. She said it wasn’t the first time. She said she had a “horrible life”. Her whole life, this type of violence is all she’s known. And what he did to her two weeks ago, she said, was worse, but she didn’t report it. I was trying to hold back from crying. I almost did cry when she said she was glad he got punched, and that it hurt, because “it hurts when he punches me”. It was awfully heartbreaking. I just want to rescue her but she’s not ready to be rescued yet, nor ready to rescue herself yet, and it is so frustrating.
5. The last negative, for me, was the reaction by others- from some people I’ve told the story to and even one of the police officers. I heard far too many remarks like “Women are stupid for wanting to protect their abusers” and “She’s stupid for putting up with that”. I was SO livid about this. Ryan Tyler groaned when the one officer made such a remark, knowing I was going to freak. I responded “women wouldn’t have to be ‘stupid’ if men weren’t doing this in the first place. And this is why domestic violence is so ugly, because it’s effective in making the victim afraid and silenced. She’s not stupid, she’s just proof that abuse ‘works’” After the fact I thought of a million more clever and articulate things to say, but that’s all I said. I’m proud of myself that I corrected him at all. He is a cop.       

In the end, the police were able to convince the victims to go to the police station and give a statement. The police thanked Ryan for stepping up and doing the right thing.

This Wednesday, May 9 at 5:30, I’m having a happy hour party for him at Mas Mexicali Cantina on Market Street in West Chester. I think he deserves some free drinks as a thanks, from society, for risking himself to intervene when women were in trouble- no questions asked. I am SO proud of him and I welcome you all to come join us for drinks to honor his bravery. I’m also proud of my neighbor, and of the officers who were assaulted while trying to arrest this idiot.

Back at home after the ordeal was over, I was still shaking. “I can’t believe you just punched a guy’s lights out!” I kept saying. He was bashful at my incessant “thank you”, and “I’m so proud of you” and “you are such an amazing man”. And then, amazingly, he went back and finished doing the dishes, and then came to bed to cuddle and watch a movie.

That was my weekend. That is how he reminds me what true masculinity is. He cuddles. He cleans. He doesn’t ascribe to gendered household roles or modes of expression. But when needed, he’s brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of his house and utilize his traditional masculine physical capabilities and privilege to help a stranger. A real man. A real man doesn’t hurt. A real man doesn’t torture and belittle women or children. This is what a real man looks like:

My man. The man of the hour.      

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

Jill@thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique

Feminique’s 4th Birthday!!

4 years ago today, I opened a sex shop in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into, but it has brought me most of my life’s greatest joys. Today, she turns 4. My little sex shop is growing up so fast!

Help me celebrate this Saturday, May 5 at Feminique (104 N. Church St., West Chester, PA 19380). 4 years of vibrators. 4 years of sex-positive education. 4 years of thumbing our nose at the man.

I invite you to stop by anytime between 11am and 7pm this Saturday. You’ll pick a slip of paper from a jar that has a number on it between 10 and 75. Whatever number you pick, that’s the % off you get on ANYTHING in the store! Also, my mother and I will be serving up penis and vulva cupcakes, and we will be filming it for an episode of my reality show (but don’t worry, if you’re camera shy we can make sure you aren’t filmed). At 7:30, I’ll be presenting a FREE workshop, called “Sex: Am I Normal?” I usually don’t do free- this is the one time of year I offer a free workshop, as a thank you for your business, support, and friendship over the years. Don’t miss this opportunity!

“Sex: Am I Normal” is a popular workshop where I pose questions to the audience, and with your cell phone, you anonymously provide your response. The answer collectively come up as bar charts on the screen, so you can see what types of sexual activities people are up to. Good stuff. In year 3 I did free belly dance lessons, in year 2 it was sex-themed Family Feud game show night, and for the first birthday I did a free Sex Toys 101 class.

As I mentioned, on the menu at this party is cream-filled (hehe) penis and vulva cupcakes. In year 3 my mom made this FABULOUS and clever cake:

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For the 2nd birthday she made the pole dancing barbie cake:

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For Feminique’s 1st birthday, my mom wasn’t making cakes then so this was my sad and pathetic attempt at cupcakes :(

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(PS- my family is ADORABLE! In addition to my mom making the cupcakes, my dad mentioned today on the phone “I’ll see you Saturday”. I said, “Saturday, you’re coming?”. And he said “I wouldn’t miss it!” The language is normal, like of course a family would come out to celebrate their daughter’s accomplishment. Except in this case, “accomplishment” means running a sex shop for 4 years, and “celebrate” means making me penis cupcakes and attending my sex workshop. This is my life.) 

Can’t wait to celebrate with you all on Saturday! RSVP here:

http://www.facebook.com/events/101955169939687/123237537811450/?comment_id=125045714297299&notif_t=group_comment

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

www.thesexologist.org

jill@thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique

What Day Is It?

I am so exhausted, I’m delirious. I don’t know what day it is. I don’t really remember what I’ve been so busy doing. There was a bunch of speaking events. Some parties. I think I went to a protest at some point. I was filmed. I was photographed. I ran Feminique all day, every day. I’m teaching Orgasm 101 tonight at the Philadelphia Institute for Individual, Relational, and Sex Therapy. I know that much. Saturday I am hosting Feminique’s 4th birthday part, and getting ready for that has been hours upon hours of work, but when I look back, I’m not sure what those hours and hours have been spent doing. It’s just all blurring together. I haven’t had a good nights sleep in weeks. I haven’t had sex in… I don’t know how long. Wait, what day is it?

I’ve been reallly, REALLY bad at self-care lately. If I allow myself to have off on Sunday, it will be my first day off in 27 straight days. 27 long days. 27 12-hour days.

I need to reevaluate the way I’m living my life.

31 Senators Who Can Suck My C**t

Last night, the US Senate voted to pass the re-authorization of the Violence Against Women Act, which as the name suggestions, is about providing legal safety nets to women who are victims of violence. How could ANYONE not support such a thing? Human beings are being hurt, and there is an opportunity to say, hey, let’s help them get justice. Sounds reasonable.

But no. Lots of senators were squawking about the fact that provisions were added in this edition of the legislation, to include protections for immigrant victims and LGBT victims of domestic violence. That part they didn’t like. If you weren’t born in America or your abusive partner happens to also be a woman, sucks to be you.

So when the headline late last night read “Senate Overwhelmingly Passes Violence Against Women Act Reauthorization” I felt a rush of relief. Passing is good. Overwhelmingly is even better! But then I took pause. It wasn’t unanimous. 31 senators voted no. THIRTY ONE thought funding the prosecution of a person who beats women is a bad thing, because that woman might be brown or gay. I’m daily reminded that the world is so ugly.

Here is the list of senators who voted down this legislation. Read it, and REMEMBER it, in November:

http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/roll_call_vote_cfm.cfm?congress=112&session=2&vote=00087

At first I thought this was a Republican issue, as all 31 down votes were Republicans. But then, I learned that all 5 Republican women senators voted yes, which tell me it’s about the war on women. 31 men decided justice for women victims of violence isn’t important. So Sen. Toomey of Pennsylvania- suck my clit. Sen. Shelby of Alabama- suck my clit. Sen. Cornyn of Texas- suck my clit. Sen. Graham of South Carolina- suck my clit. The other 27 of you assholes- SUCK MY CLIT!

THIS is why I am PUMPED for tomorrow morning. In case you forgot, on Saturday morning there will be a rally in all 50 state capitols plus Washington, DC to protest the war on women- protesting transvaginal ultrasounds, cuts to women’s health care, and the rhetoric of “sluts” on birth control and the rhetoric of “military women should expect to be raped”. I implore you all to come out to your state capitol tomorrow morning. Here is all the info:

http://unitewomen.org/unite/april-28-events/

Ryan Tyler and I will be going, and are willing to carpool people from the West Chester area. He even offered to cook anyone who wants to come with us breakfast before we leave! We could have a poster making party. Let’s DO THIS!

The Doctorate, The Book, The Show: An Update

I haven’t written in a while. I just ended two busy and stressful weeks. The first was chaos with my car dying and frantically trying to buy a new one, and the second I worked 70+ hours. But there is some progress in a few areas that I’ve been writing about for awhile now, so I thought I’d give the updates.

The Doctorate:

I decided not to complete my Ph.D. in Human Sexuality at Widener back in November, which I blogged about. I just can’t justify the absurd amount of money, plus I didn’t feel the program adequately took into account the work that I’ve done in the field. Too “ivory tower” for me. Not that there is anything wrong academia, but at this point in my school career, I want a professional degree and spend my time doing school work that will benefit my career, not spend my time writing a dense and clinical research dissertation that will only be read by other academics. Not helpful for me right now.

Since November, I’ve been looking into other programs. I’ve narrowed it down.

First, I’ve been looking into programs abroad- England, Australia, Canada. That’s because Ryan Tyler and I are looking to take a little break from America. Between transvaginal ultrasounds and 85 year old women in wheelchairs being stripped searched by the TSA, we decided we can’t be here anymore. I was going to get out via the student visa route, but realized all the human sexuality doctoral programs abroad are even MORE expensive than Widener (as an international student), and just as mumbo jumbo academic. So currently, as it stands at this moment, our plan of attack of getting a visa is for Ryan Tyler to get a job in another country, if he can find one. As for the doctorate, I have found two different schools that meet my needs perfectly, and they are distance ed, so I can complete the work whether I stay in the US or move! They aren’t accredited, but at this point I don’t care because so far they are the only two that are affordable and provide what I’m looking for. Now it’s a matter of narrowing it down to one.

The Book:

The book I’m currently writing, which still is untitled without even so much as a working title, is coming along nicely. It’s about my endeavor to spend money only at women owned retailers for 99 days. I’m 22 days into the experience, and I’m starting to get the hang of it. The hardest part was when my car broke down and I was trying to find a woman owned car dealer. But it’s about to get even harder, because starting today, I will also attempt to consume only products manufactured by woman owned companies. I am NOT looking forward to this…

The Show:

My little web reality show, also called “A Day in the Life of a Sexologist” is exciting, but doesn’t have as many views as I was hoping for… yet. . I do know sometimes these things take awhile to take off. One of my videos started slow and now has over a half million views, so I hope the same happens here. Episode 4 is about me doing a nude photo shoot, so I’m sure that will garner a few views J I’m also still working on finding some sponsors. Two episodes have been released (they come out the 1^st and 15^th of the month), episode three is in productions, and episode four is in the midst of being filmed. I am extremely happy with it, as far as the quality, and the way my passion and mission comes across in the episodes.

On the plus side, yet another production company has found my youtube show and offered me a reality show gig. This time, it’s in the UK. So I’m really hoping THIS time it will actually work, but if not, I’m really enjoying my little web show, and hope you are too!    

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

jill@thesexologist.org

www.thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique