A Day in the Life of a Sexologist

Jan 16

Tyler’s Real Name: The Big Reveal

If you have been following along with A Day in the Life of a Sexologist from the beginning, you know that for everyone I write about except me (my real name is Jill… haha) I use pseudonyms. Tyler’s real name isn’t Tyler. This is because at first I didn’t know how the blog would be received and I didn’t want to throw my loved ones under the bus (it turns out it is well received!), I didn’t know how much I would share intimate things (it turns out I share ridiculous amounts of intimate things), and “Tyler” was on the job hunt and I figured the last thing he would need would to show up in a sex blog if a potential employer googled him (turns out, he got a great job and they know of my sexology craziness and support it), so now it seems silly to carry on with the pseudonym, especially in light of the recent noteworthy things that I can’t tell you yet (a soon to be revealed secret), in which you’ll be finding out his real name anyway.

So, in preparation for the revelation of that secret, I thought I’d offer the revelation of a different secret to hold you over until I’m allowed to tell the other secret- Tyler’s real name. It’s Ryan. And here’s his photo, uncensored.

I had his permission to tell you. So there it is. Carrie’s Mr. Big’s real name was John. My Mr. Big’s real name is Ryan. But, I have to admit, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis letting this cover be blown. He has in many ways, become a Tyler. Sometimes I even slip and call him Tyler in real life. But there you have it. My sweetie pie, Ryan.

contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YS7Lw9AY7hQ

Jan 4

Sex: Am I Normal?

When it comes to sexuality, I have a lot of “hot botton” issues. Rape. GRRRRR. Homophobia. GRRRRRRRRRR. Government intrusion in the bedroom. GRRRRRRR. Ignoring the clitoris both during individual sex encounters and as a societal understanding of “sex”. GRRRRRRRRRRR. People who teach their children incorrect names for their genitals- “who-ha” and “down there”. GRRRRRR.

But one of my biggest sexuality hot bottons that I don’t explicitly talk about often yet manages to work its way into every single one of my college workshops and in-home parties is the concept of being judgmental vs. compassionate.

I get so pissed at how quickly people judge other people about sex. So many “ewwws” and “that’s weirds”. About women who have had an abortion. About men who are uncircumcised. About couples who swing. About strippers. About people who are gender queer. If you identify in any way or have had experiences that in any way are outside of the white/hetero/married/missionary mainstream, people are judgmental. I see it 100 times a day as a sexologist. And what bugs me most about it is that EVERYONE has something about themselves sexually that they are insecure about, embarrassed about, ashamed about, etc., and yet they judge the insecurities of others.

And so all of my workshops have an empathy building component to work on increasing compassion and decreasing judgment on the given topic.

Then I decided to develop a workshop built entirely around the subject and so far people are loving it! People are loving it so much I have decided to develop a similar in-home party.

Check out this link to see the video promo:

It’s called “Sex: Am I Normal”, and the in-home party version is called “Phone Sex 101” (because people use their cell phones to vote- get it?) Phone Sex 101 is now officially available for bookings!

** Note I’ve changed my party rates for 2010. Mon-Thurs nights have been lowered to $15 per peson, and Fri-Sat have been raised to $25 per person. You can get a FREE party if you’d like to be filmed, as this group did, for my website and youtube. I still need Pole Dancing 101 and Sex Shop 101 to be filmed. Let me know if you’re interested!

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

Link: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/3119209432/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-loveologist

Jan 1

Best of 2011- Year In Review

2011 in REVIEW- A SUMMARY

Ah, 2011. It was a year that started with filming a pilot episode of a TV reality show about my sexology career and ended with filming a casting video for Playboy. With a total of 5 unsolicited calls from television producers that all ended up falling through, 2011 was the year of being *almost* famous. What else happened this year? I published a book, created a museum display on the history of the vibrator, acted in the Vagina Monologues, and constantly dabbled with starting a non-profit. In 2011 I added “masturbation” to my job title when I was commissioned to try sex toys and write reviews of them, and 2011 was also the year I finally got therapy and help for my severe vicarious trauma issues around rape. Then there was the time clients took me on a limo ride to a male strip club, the time I got hypnotized into faking orgasm on stage at a sex toy trade show, and the time I drove in a hurricane to teach a sex workshop at a nudist resort. Good times.

Here are some 2011 stats and best-of compilations. Enjoy!

2011 in NUMBERS

I conducted 124 paid speaking engagements. Of them there were 7 private consultations, 76 in-home parties, and 41 college workshops on 14 different college campuses across 5 states and 1 Canadian province, with a total of 2,114 people hearing my sex-positive message. The most popular topic in terms of number of booking in 2011 was Fellatio 101, and the most popular topic by total number of attendees was Orgasm 101.

My blog received 29,366 page views from people from 124 different countries (including Maldives, Senegal, and Kuwait). Of those, 1,754 have read my blog 50 or more times this year (now that’s what I call a loyal reader!) People have discovered my blog in different ways, including my website, facebook, or links posted on other websites. However, many people (about 11,500), happened upon my blog while doing a google search. Here are some of the search terms:

(these are the actual phrases that people typed into google which lead them to coming across my blog, and the number in parenthesis is the number of times this year someone searched that exact phrase, spelling errors and all)

2011 in SEARCH TERMS

5 Most popular:

sexologist (573)
sexology tumblr (413)
jill mcdevitt (220)
sexologist jill (185)
a day in the life of a sexologist (154)

5 Most Popular that I’m surprised more than 1 Person has ever Googled:

1800s porn (22)
I proposed and he said no (14)
doctor slut (10)
“urinals” and “the key to rape” (7)
drowning sex (4)

5 Most Popular searches of my name from someone looking for dirt:

naked photos of sexologist jill mcdevitt (13)
jill mcdevitt boob job (1)
jill mcdevitt fucking (1)
jill mcdevitt masturbation (1)
jill mcdevitt sex videos (1)

5 most popular inquiries about the field of sexology

sexologist salary (57)
do sexologists have sex with clients (16)
how to be a sexologist (15)
what do sexologists do (10)
sexologist job description (7)

5 searches for sexology advice

cunnilingus allowed in married couple what opinion of sexologist (1)
sexologist review about masturbation (1)
sexologist strange pregnancy case due to dry sex (1)
sexologists answers about fellatio (1)
what is sexologist’s advice on group sex (fuck) ? (1)

5 searches for sexologist-fantasy pornography

sexologist shows pussy (1)
sexologist show how to use dildo porn (1)
sexologist tries toy porn (1)
story of sexologist porn (1)
video of lady sexologist teaching the art of fucking to male patient (1)

5 “how to” search terms that make me happy

how to dry hump and find the clitoris (2)
how to use female condom video (1)
how to feel sexy (1)
how to give a woman sexual confidence (1)
how to have a feminist wedding (1)

5 “how to” search terms that make me sad

how to train your bitch t-shirt (3)
how to vaginally douche (1)
how to get thighs that don’t touch (1)
how to date if you’re a sweet guy (1)
how to catch a faking orgasm ! (1)

5 Other “day in the life…” blogs people were searching for

a day in the life of a sex trafficking victim (5)
a day in the life of a nudist (4)
a day in the life of a playboy bunny (1)
a day in the life of breasts (1)
a day in the life of a pedophile (1)

25 Randomly selected search terms to give you an idea of the type of things people look for online about sex

squirting and yeast infections (3)
people with penis and vagina (2)
argument against rape is just a fact of life (1)
clitoral tearing during childbirth (7)
sex positive slogans (5)
witty responses to cat calls (2)
1-2pm on the clitoris meaning (1)
70s porn musicals (1)
bachelors degree in pornography (2)
bizarre nude beach pics (1)
best public bathrooms for sex Toronto (1)
hpv save me (1)
help I’m dating a sexologist (1) ** my favorite**
is sex inherently political (1)
mom your pussy taste good (1)
most vibrators per capita (1)
naked males in bunny suit pics (1)
is Feminique Boutique a publically traded company (1) *haha buying stocks?…**
sexology camera inside vagina during sex (1)
there’s really such this as sexologists? why the hell didn’t they talk about this at career day in high school? (1)
relationship after rape scholarly article (1)
fellatio lessons for virgins (1)
Gunnison Beach nude photos (30)
social inequality in america kobe gets off for raping a girl (1)
my family and our consensual adult incest live (1)

2011 in BLOG POSTS

Post Most Reblogged by Other Bloggers

Title: A Day in the Life of a Loveologist

Sample Line: I give up. I think I’m going to watch Homeward Bound and Marley and Me so I can become an expert on dogs. I’ll then call myself a doggologist, and open a pet store and teach workshops on proper care of dogs. Then I’ll go into a veterinary hospital and tell the doctor that the medicine they’re using to treat sick dogs is no good. Oh, you went to school for 8 years to study animal science and veterinary medicine? Fuck you ‘cause I’m a doggologist!

Post With the Most Comments

Title: Victim Blame and a Word on Ryan Dunn

Sample Line: We can not emotionally handle the thought that these tragedies could JUST AS EASILY happen to us, so as a defense mechanism, we have to find things about the victim that are inherently DIFFERENT from us, so we can find comfort in believing that a) that difference was the cause of the tragedy, and thus b) that tragedy won’t happen to us. This is the “I don’t drive 130 mph” and “I don’t wear mini skirts and halter tops to clubs”, so “that won’t happen to me” logic. Of course this is false logic because people driving 25 mph and people wearing long pants die in car accidents and are raped every single day.

Link: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/6832252299/victim-blame-and-a-word-on-ryan-dunn

Post With the Most Views

Title: Living a Double Life (which actually was the #4 most read post, the three that had more views, “A Day at the Nude Beach (With Pictures)”, “Rape and Gender Egalitarianism”, and “Going Down Fellatio 101”, don’t count because they were written in 2010)

Sample Line: The double life is frustrating- how is it that in the same week I was Skyping with Hollywood and had no running water?

Link: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/14598976887/living-a-double-life

2011 in PICTURES

My 10 favorite blogged photos from this year in no particular order:

From: Giving a Vibrator Presentation on A Military Base While Drinking Moonshine

In this Photo: Kind of speaks for itself… I gave a vibrator presentation on a military base while drinking moonshine…

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/7785747022/giving-a-vibrator-presentation-on-a-military-base-while

From: Pink Piggies

In this Photo: Tyler agreed to let me paint his toenails pink after the controversy of “toemageddon”.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/4691693622/pink-piggies

From: Your Pencil D*** Got Me Knocked Up!

In This Photo: Tyler and I get hypnotized at a sex toy trade show and he believes he’s about to give birth.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/6594970194/your-pencil-d-got-me-knocked-up

From: Lights, Camera, Sex!

In This Photo: My mom and I in her kitchen making chocolate vulva lollipops while we’re filmed for a reality TV show pilot.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/2694028196/lights-camera-sex

From: Too Sexy For Halloween?

In This Photo: Tyler and I dressed as censored nudists for Halloween and our sexiness caused problems in the bar.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/12183609981/too-sexy-for-halloween

From: Women Pay Me To Dominate Them

In This Photo: I was talked into agreeing to perform in the Vagina Monologues, of course in the role of a corset wearing sex worker who demonstrates all the different sounds of women orgasming.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/4212825397/women-pay-me-to-dominate-them

From: Street Vending

In This Photo: Every month this summer I tabled at a street festival, and every time I was assigned next to the booth of the local Republican chapter.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/6227044927/street-vending

From: Is a Sexual Experience Worth… YOUR LIFE?

In This Photo: Tyler and I were arguing with a pro-life group vending at a hippie music festival because they were handing out medically inaccurate information about pregnancy and giving out fetus dolls. Weird.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/7853166898/is-a-sexual-experience-worth-your-life

From: A Night At the Male Strip Club

In This Photo: After teaching a Fellatio 101 class, the clients invited me to the male strip club with them and a ride in their limo.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/10282736406/a-night-at-the-male-strip-club

From: The Crusade Against Sex (The Prudish Movement not the Book) Is Still in Full Force

In This Photo: I was SO happy to receive the first print copy of my book, and amused that my naysayers had tried to sabotage my website by leaving it thousands of bad reviews before the book was even released to the public.

Read the Full Story: http://sexologist.tumblr.com/post/11657515534/the-crusade-against-sex-the-prudish-social-movement

Thanks for following along all year! Let’s see what 2012 has in store!

contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

Dec 29

Hiring A Jill Fan

I’ve been self-employed my entire adult life. Feminique is my baby. I definitely birthed her, and like a good mother, I have done everything for her myself top to bottom. I’m the manual laborer (clean the toilet, shovel the sidewalk), I’m the web designer, the marketing rep, the graphic designer, the sales associate, the product tester (this one’s not a bad gig…), the inventory controller, the online order shipper, the workshop writer, the travelling coordinator, the hiring manager, the social networking agent… the list goes on and on… and on. I won’t bore you with the full list of responsibilities of being a small business owner.

But now that Feminique is 4 1/2 years old, I’m ready to let other people help. It’s incredibly anxiety producing, but I am ready to start delegating.

Point being, I’m hiring. I need someone who is a Jill fan (someone who believes in and is passionate about my mission of female sexual empowerment) to be my part-time public relations person. Basically, I need someone to sell me.

Duties will include:

1. Getting my book sold in as many indie bookstores as possible by making connections with them individually.

2. Getting me book signings at book stores, conferences, colleges, and other events related to women, health, sexuality, or other related fields.

3. Getting me booked for paid speaking gigs at colleges and other venues.

4. Getting me on national and local radio, television, and print media for interviews and/or as an expert.

5. Using other creative means to get me publicity and an opportunity to build a national brand as a trusted sexuality expert and advocate for female sexual empowerment.

An ideal candidate will be:

1. Able to show a demonstrated passion about women’s and sexual rights.

2. Trustworthy and able to excel working independently (this position is a 1099 contractor job, in which the successful candidate will work from home to finish tasks and meet deadlines at their own pace, so you should be self-motivated).

3. Assertive. This position requires someone to be comfortable cold-calling and follwing up with people of all walks of life- from the owner of a ”mom and pop” bookstore to the producer of national TV shows like Good Morning America.

4. Professional in their speaking, phone, and email communications.

Degree or professional experience in communications, public relations, or marketing preferred but not required. Please have access to a phone, email, and Skype.

Because this is exclusively an email/Skype/phone job, those who meet the qualifications are encouraged to apply regardless of where in the United States they reside.

This is a temporary 3 month position (January-March 2012) with an opportunity to continue on if it is a good match.

To apply, send a resume highling relevant experience and education to jill@thesexologist.org. Please paste your resume in the body of the email instead of as an attachement.

Dec 28

Fornicators In My Storage Closet

I had just finished writing a different blog post yesterday when I had to stop to post a photo with the following caption to facebook:

If you come into my store, steal one of my condoms, and fuck in my storage closet, I will catch you, throw you out, take a picture of you running away, and post it on facebook.

This is my life.

I was pissed. I didn’t like them from the beginning, and was going to ask them to either tone down their language or leave when they were rude and saying “fag” this and “faggot” that, which I find offensive.

Then they went in the backroom and when I noticed it was quiet, there were clothes on the floor, and a third person (the look out?) kept bringing condoms in the backroom but came back out without them, I went to check, and that’s when I caught them just post fornication- the “zip up” if you will.

I was initially surprised by my sex-negative reaction. I was very “EWWW” and “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” and “AND YOU STOLE A CONDOM? DID YOU STEAL ONE OF MY DEMO SEX TOYS TOO, BECAUSE IF SO YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE IT. I DON’T WANT IT BACK NOW!” and “GET THE FUCK OUT AND DON’T COME BACK!”

At first, I thought, wow, kinda harsh. Lots of people get their kicks from public sex. I told you about my encounter with Tyler in the bathroom of a Toronto gay bar. If we had been caught and yelled at that way, I’d probably call them prudes.

But at the same time, these people were rude, they stole from me, they entered my private employee-only area, and had sex a few inches away from my lunch bag.

However, within a few minutes I was over it and went from pissed to thinking it was hilarious.

If we’re friends on facebook, you know this much of the story. But, the plot thickens… I received a private facebook message from someone saying they recognized the woman as their girlfriend, except he wasn’t the man she was fornicating with in my storage closet…. And he’s pressing me to identify her. So now I’m in a new pickle. Part of me wants to help this poor guy out. Another part of me wants to not rat on her. Part of me is thinking he’s just joking anyway…

Fun fun fun.

But wait, there’s more!

I later tried to log into facebook but was blocked for several hours. When I was finally able to log in, I was met with a message from facebook warning me about posting content that is bullying. Someone must have reported the photo, saying I was using it to bully the fornicators.

I don’t really see it as bullying. I see if more like back in the day when stores would post copies of bounced checks that customers wrote them by the register, as a sort of public acknowledgment of theft and ridiculousness.

Fornication is a fun word. And fun to do. Just don’t do it in my storage closet please!

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

jill@thesexologist.org

Dec 23

Review: Extreme Pure Gold Super Slim Remote Bullet

This month I tried Extreme Pure Gold- Super Slim Remote Bullet 24 Karat (in life it looks like yellow gold, not sure why the photo looks silver). Here’s my review:

Pros:

Remote Control Powered. This is a plus for a lot of people- I’m always being asked if I carry vibes with remotes.
Easy Off Switch. This vibe has 10 speeds, and it’s always nice to be able to just turn it off without having to rotate through all the speeds.
It’s Plated In Gold. If you care about that sorta thing.

Cons:

Price. MSRP is $60. Can’t justify that price for a bullet, gold plated and remote powered or not.

Indifferents:

Personally I prefer the regular size bullets, not the slim once that take cell batteries, because I prefer the lower frequency vibes versus the higher ones found here. But if you are a higher frequency kinda gal, you’d like the vibrations.

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

www.thesexologist.org

www.facebook.com/JillAtFeminique

Legal Stuff:

Disclosure. I received the above product free from the manufacturer. My review of the product is based on my own personal opinion. I recommend and endorse products based on what I believe is best for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission guidelines, CFR, Part 255

Dec 21

Living A Double Life

This is my life. And sometimes I think it’s a double life. It’s sometimes glamorous and exciting and one of a kind, and yet at the same time it’s so terribly ordinary that it is hard to believe all of these things are happening to the same person.

Example.

14 strangers in the past week or so have remarked that I’m going to be famous. There were comments like “sign my book, it’ll be worth something someday”, and after two minutes of hearing me speak at an in-home party “we’re going to be seeing you on TV”, and after introducing myself at Feminique “someone should make a movie about you”. All strangers. All separate instances. 14 times. This week I did a photo shoot- and even an unsolicited casting interview with Playboy for crying out loud. Two nights this week (Wednesday for the annual Men’s Night Out and Saturday night for a Fellatio 101 in-home party), I stayed after the event to party with the guests. I even received some fan mail. This is what I do. I talk about sex, and wear sexy outfits, and party (often while talking about sex and wearing sexy outfits)- Highly glamorous.

However also this week, I paid my first student loan bill ($1,400 per month, every month, for the next 20 years…), used the credit card to pay $360 to get the 11 year old POS Hyundai I drive fixed, ate mac and cheese out of the pot, and lived in an apartment so dumpy that 1. the water stopped working. Tyler called the landlord and it was quickly fixed but for a few hours, I actually had no running water, and 2. I was locked out in the cold at 2am because the door is so old and falling apart it eats keys and my key got stuck and broke off in the knob. The double life is frustrating- how is it that in the same week I was Skyping with Hollywood and had no running water?

My life by day…

Photo Credit: Nathan Kuruna

My life by night…

I am SO ready for my big break, but even though every once in awhile (like now) I complain, I really don’t often about the money situation because I absolutely love my job and I wouldn’t trade it for a higher paying one. I have mostly everything I need, and lots of things I want, and even a little to give, so I am definitely feeling otherwise good and in the holiday spirit!

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt:

Dec 20

Juicy What?

Just a few conversations I’ve had the past day or so.

Context: Walking around Rose Tree Park with Tyler and my Grandparents looking at the Christmas light display.

Gram: did you know there is a line of clothing called juicy clitoris?
Me: I think you mean juicy couture…

Thoughts: 1. I love my family 2. As others have remarked, this would make a great name for my sex toy line I’m designing and manufacturing. Yes, I haven’t blogged about it yet, but if you follow along on my facebook, you know that’s my latest endeavor.

Context: My second phone call to the PA Department of Motor Vehicles after they denied my SEX DOC plate

DMV: How can I help you?

Me: I’d applied for a personalized plate and it was denied. I’d like to find out why it was denied, and what the appeal process is.

DMV: What was the combination?

Me: S-E-X D-O-C

DMV: Hmm, we have no record of that application.

Me: Well that’s what they said yesterday. And I’m hoping I can talk to someone who makes the decisions about these things and ask them why it was denied, and how to appeal.

DMV: Well, it was likely they deemed it offensive.

Me: But I am a sexologist. How is a job title offensive?

DMV: I’ll have the research department look into your case and call you back with a response.

Thoughts: 1. PRUDES 2. At least they are willing to hear me out. We’ll see what happens when/if they call back.

Context: I was hanging out with some girls in their apartment after a super fun Fellatio 101 party, the dynamic of which changed when the boys came home… and one who was drunk was shoving me and cornering another women because he was mad we were drinking water and not alcohol.

Me: Time for you to go home buddy.

Guy: (pushing my stomach) Water!

Me: Ok, I’m out (putting on coat).

Hostess: (just walking in room) What’s going on?

Me: I’m heading out. He’s getting a little grabby with the girls.

Girl: Um no. He’s my boyfriend, and he didn’t grab anyone!

Guy: Yeah, so get your fucking face out!

Me: Oh wow.

Thoughts: 1. My first reaction was pissed, and scared, and simulateneously glad that I had my wits about me and was confident to leave when I felt uncomfortable. 2. My next reaction was concern that the girls who hired me would think I’m an asshole. They brought me out to teach a class, not try to throw their friends out of their own house, create drama, and cause a scene. 3. Next reaction was LIVID at the girlfriend. Before the men (and the girlfriend who wasn’t at the Fellatio 101 party) came, we were having a great chat about all kinds of things, including rape culture. This was a great example of how much gray area there is, and the secrecy, and shame, and side-taking surrounding aggressive sexual whatever-you-want-to-call-it. I was in the right to stick up for myself and the girl getting cornered, and yet I felt worried that others would be mad at me for “causing a scene”. It’s such a heavy hot mess. Thankfully- it ended well. The hostess and other party guests sided with me, the guy left, and we’re planning on doing another in-home party in the future- without men.

Contact sexologist Jill McDevitt